Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Bambi Nuggets

 Hello Bambi.

While reading Anna her bedtime story which was a book version of Disney's Bambi, we got to the part where hunters kill Bambi's mom. The following conversation ensued:

Anna: Why did the hunters kill Bambi's Mommy?

Me: Well, hunters kill for sport. And they also kill animals to eat them.

Anna: The hunters ate Bambi's Mom?

Me: Yes, sweetie. They did.

(At this point I am awaiting some sort of cry-fest while Anna, who literally weeps every time she hears Brahms's Lullaby because she finds it so poignant, mourns the loss of Bambi's mom. Instead she sits there pondering for a few moments with a serious look on her face. And that's when things got really disturbing)

Anna: I want to go hunting.

Me: You do?

Anna: Daddy, can I go hunting?

Me: (trying to appear supportive of all life decisions) Of course you can, sweetie.

Anna: Can you take me hunting, Daddy?

Me: Well, I don't really hunt myself. But if you want to go hunting when you're a little older, I'm sure we can find a way to make that happen. Why do you want to go hunting?

Anna: Because I need to kill animals.

Me: Oh.

Anna: Daddy?

Me: Yes?

Anna: How do hunters eat animals?

Me: Well (hesitates) they remove the meat from the animals' bones, then cook it.

Anna: What does it mean to remove the meat?

Me: Well, it's the animals' muscles. We eat animals' muscles. So whenever we're eating meat, we're eating the muscles of animals.

Anna: Mmmm! I want to try deer muscles.

Me: ..meat, sweetheart. We call it meat.

Anna: Have I ever eaten muscles off of animals' bones?

Me: (contemplates the best way to phrase this) Sure you have sweetie. Every time we eat meat, it means you're eating the muscles of animals. Like hamburgers. Hamburgers come from cows. And tuna is a fish. And chicken.

Anna: (eyes light up) Ohh! Chicken comes from chickens???

Me: Yes sweetie. That's right. When we eat chicken, we're eating chickens' muscles.

Anna: Chickens are filled with chicken nuggets!

Me: ...in a way yes. Chicken nuggets are chicken meat covered...

Anna (creepily giggling with delight): Bambi is filled with Bambi nuggets!!!

Me: Yes. Yes, I suppose he is in a way. 

Anna: Can I eat a Bambi nugget? 

Me: (vomits a little, half smiling, semi-nodding)


Don't these muscly Bambi nuggets look moist and delicious? Mmmmmmm.


Anna: Daddy? (pensive look) 

Me: Yes sweetheart? 

Anna: I have muscles on my skeleton. 

Me: That's true.

Anna: Do people eat people muscles? 

Me: (Contemplates the possibility of discussing Jeffrey Dahmer before realizing that's not something to talk about with a four-year-old. Particularly one who is showing a penchant for the concept of devouring the flesh of beasts). No sweetie. Nobody eats people meat. People just eat other animals' meat. 

Anna: ....I think people meat is probably the most delicious. 

Me: Maybe so, sweetheart. (head pat) Maybe so. (shudders)


In conclusion: Never in a million years did I anticipate that "the talk" with my daughter regarding the murder of Bambi's mom would lead to a conversation that would give me nightmares. And make the entire Weed household contemplate vegetarianism.

I will now go to the kitchen and ensure all cutlery is safely secured in its drawer lest Anna get the hankering for some Daddy nuggets. 

Photo attribution here and  here

60 comments:

  1. .

    Wow. This is my favorite little girl ever.

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    1. I am wiping the tears from my eyes and wishing I was smart enough to know how to post things to facebook. So perfect

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  2. Thanks The Weed for providing a little distraction from doing my homework! Ok, and doing "work"...although swiping key cards isn't really considered "work" in my book.

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  3. chickens are filled with chicken nuggets :) I love Anna!!! show and tell days must be brilliant with her :)

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  4. Waiting for the day when Anna shares her desire to eat people muscle with her Kindergarten class...

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  5. Whoo boy. Yup, locks and keys for all sharp instruments.

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  6. you got to love children they come up with the most unexpected things to talk about. plus their reactions are so honest and sometimes even frighten. she was very cute but think i'll pass on any dinner invites..hugs

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  7. "(Contemplates the possibility of discussing Jeffrey Dahmer before realizing that's not something to talk about with a four-year-old. Particularly one who is showing a penchant for the concept of devouring the flesh of beasts)."

    This caused uncontrollable laughter in me. Knock it off, people can hear me.

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  8. Ok, this made me practically howl and fall on the floor, laughing. I was reading it aloud to my daughter (24, not a 4 year old LOL) and we were laughing so much! Thanks for the Wednesday laugh. Ow, my face hurts. ;o)

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  9. Laughed so hard I cried! I've had similar disturbing conversations with my boys. Good to know they're apparently "normal".

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  10. We are not vegetarians at my house either, but with how expensive meat is getting, you could call us "quasi" vegetarians. lol
    My boys hunt, though I have not yet brought myself to fix the meat. We donate it instead, for which the Nuge might forgive me.
    When my little girl was small she went through a similar phase, where I had to identify everything I fixed not as "steak" or "pork chop", but COW, PIG, or CHICKEN. Example, "Mommy, what is this?" "It's PIG, sweetie." I was disgusted but it didn't last long.
    You are a good dad.

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  11. Anna is officially the coolest daughter ever.

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  12. There's always the Donner Party too. Have that story on hand, just in case.

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  13. @Th--Gotta say, I'm a little partial, but I feel similar sentiments.

    @Laura--you're welcome for the distraction. And if swiping key cards isn't work, I don't know what is!

    @IWASNT--She hasn't had a show and tell day yet, but when it happens, I suspect it will be mighty interesting. Where when I say "suspect" I actually mean "fear" and where I say "interesting" I actually mean "incriminating."

    @Samantha--What a glorious day of CPS interviews that will be!

    @B Ready--Absolutely. Lock and key.

    @becca--Probably a wise choice. Apparently you might be the main course. (This is a joke. Nobody in the The Weed household eats humans. As of yet.)

    @Bart--I refuse to stop until I get you written up for a citation of some sort. ;-)

    @Carol--I love to hear that the story made you laugh till your face hurt! That's the best kind of laughing there is. Thanks a ton for reading!

    @AZ--Okay, I was waiting for someone to be like "yeah, my kids did this too." Glad to know I'm not alone. (Though, it might just be the two of us?)

    @momiss--Aw, thanks for the dad compliment. Sometimes I wonder, so it's good to hear that every once in a while. Also, good to know that your daughter went through this faze for a while. That way I won't get all worried if our conversations around different "nugget" varieties continue.

    @Anonymous--Gotta admit, I kinda have to agree with you.

    @Jennifer--Oh yeah! Perfect story to pull from the quiver of "people muscle eating" tales next time I'm in a Person Nugget jam. Thanks!

    Copying and pasting, y'all. (I had a friend tell me that I'm not from Texas so I'm not allowed to say "y'all." Is this true?)

    Update:

    You guys. I just tried to publish this and it didn't work, but then I had it copied and pasted and was like "BITE ME, blogger." Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice... shame on you again. But fool me three times, shame on... you again. Stop trying to fool with me Blogger. I hate it.

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  14. So, you could probably hear me laughing and yes, that was from your blog. Human nuggets...I will never forget that mental image! LOL

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  15. I am pretty sure I was served human nuggets whilst in africa...
    But seriously, anna is awesome! I can only hope my own children have the same morbid curiosity as she, its great!

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  16. I am scared. Was I the only one that was scared except for Anna's daddy?

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  17. Hahahahaha! So I was reading this and giggling like mad, and my mom wanted to know what was going on, so I read it to her, and she nearly died laughing.
    Oh, and once when I was a kid, my grandfather went hunting then had some of the "deer muscles" turned into ground venison for us. Mom made Swedish Meatballs for dinner with it. In the middle of dinner, my dad asked my three-year-old sister, "Do you know what we're eating? Bambi!" She started to cry, and Mom kicked Dad under the table and said, "No, we're not! We're eating venison!" My sister stopped crying. "Venison?" she said. "Okay." And then she dug right back in. Poor Jeanette.

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  18. My daugter would have been crying but yours sounds way more interesting. Thanks for sharing!

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  19. Those "Bambi Nuggets" look delicious!

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  20. THAT was disturbing...but I like it! I think you may have found your new nickname, Daddy-nuggets.

    You have a smart cookie on your hands, i think. Run.

    www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

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  21. Wow, that is a priceless, priceless moment right there. I've never heard of a kid having that reaction before. She's an indivual. I like it. :-)

    <3 Gina Blechman

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  22. I literally feel sick after reading this post. It is not for the mostly-vegetarian reader. I love Anna's curiosity though. What a great kid.

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  23. I lol'd after reading this post (and I don't often lol when I read). I hope you don't mind, but we're featuring this post on today's http://mormondaddyblogs.com.

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  24. Absolutely hilarious and well handled! I can't wait to have a cannibal talk with my very own kids.

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  25. Marvelous! Great model of listening and really having a conversation with kids. Which is always... *always* fun.

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  26. @Kimmel--I know! Human nuggets. Hilariously creepy.

    @Crystal--You've actually eaten a human nugget??? Um, awesome. And repulsive.

    @eatdurham--Oh, you should be afraid. For sure.

    @Loradona--Love that story! And I'm glad it made your mom laugh ;-)

    @Lisa--You never know, maybe your Bambi conversation will go differently than anticipated...

    @Steph--Oh, don't they? Nothing looks quite as succulent as those do.

    @The Onion--A nickname! Yes. You are correct. I will henceforth be known in my house as: Daddy Nuggets. I'm sure Wife will totally love that.

    @Gina--Oh man. Yeah, she's an individual all right. (cue creepy music)

    @Ashley--Yes, if I, a meat lover, felt my skin crawl re: this post, a non-meat-eater will feel much more gross. Sorry for the lack of caveat.

    @Dennis--Mind? Try totally made my freaking day! Thanks a lot for the feature!

    @Roderick--Oh, it's a moment that's so priceless it will stay with you for many sleepless nights to come...

    JaredNGarrett--Yes, *always* fun it is! For sure! (And thanks for the very positive spin on the convo. I def. did try to do some active listening--active like my eyes peeled open in horror active. Ha.)

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  27. Ohhhh man I was reading that outloud to my hubby and we both had to keep taking breaks to laugh. Too good!

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  28. @tokenblogger--you're getting a comment almost two weeks later. That's how I roll. I agree on both counts.

    @Jenni--Ha, I'm glad to hear that you guys had to take laughing breaks! Nothing brings me more joy than that ;-)

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  29. I have to admit that I've shared this story several times, and that every time my daughter has chicken nuggets, I snicker to myself and think of "people nuggets."

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  30. This is the cutest thing ever.

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  31. Again, laughing out loud! like the chuckle that starts quiet and then gets so loud that my kids say "Mom, what is wrong!?"

    good times- I need to be ill with a headcold on the couch more often... I should probably be writing on my own blog www.sisterswhocan.com instead of reading yours- but I'm laughing too hard to be responsible!

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  32. Oh my, I am cracking up over here!! My daughter is going through a phase like this but (thankfully?) isn't as smart as your Anna and hasn't made the connection to eating humans.

    A couple weeks ago at dinner we were having corn on the cob (which she had never had). Her eyes got big and she exclaimed, "Oooooh! This looks yummy! What kind of animal is this?"

    We responded, "Oh, honey, this isn't an animal. This is a plant."

    To which her expression changed to one of pure disgust and replied, "Hmmmm, well I don't like it."

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  33. Beginning of last school year my new 2nd grader come home with an "About Me" page. Among the usual things it asked for her TWO favorite animals. Dogs were an easy one. She's always loved dogs.
    When she finished her paper I was reading over it. Her two favorite animals were listed as "Dogs" and "Pigs". She's never spent much time with pigs so I asked her what she likes about pigs that they're her favorite. Her answer? "Because I like to eat them!".

    Fast forward a few months. We were eating stir-fry for dinner. One of my girls (We have three, ages 6, 7, 9) asked what was in the stir-fry. Sweet then-5-year-old quickly answered: "snow peas and mushrooms and peppers and beef and rice and onion and cow. The cow is my favorite part."

    My girls are strangely well adjusted to difficult issues. They watched "Bambi" once and I was a little concerned about what their reaction would be to the death of the mother. After it was over they came running (I was busy somewhere else) and told me what a wonderful movie it was and how much they liked it. I asked if they'd actually watched the whole thing. "Yup! It was great!". Me: "What happened to Bambi's mother?" DD:"Well, she died. That part was pretty sad. *sigh*. But I know they'll be okay. Sometimes hard things happen and we feel sad for a while, but it will be fine in the end."

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  34. lol...my dad WAS a deer hunter and therefore I was NOT allowed to watch Bambi. Although, the rule must have gone out the window at some point because I remember watching it-along with a long discussion about how those hunters were breaking the law and that it isn't allowed to kill deer mommies...oh the long standing conversations that can come out of that movie.

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  35. We hunt, so even our smallest child knows that dinner used to be Bambi. Our dinner conversation tends to revolve around whether Mom or Dad killed today's meal. One day we were having chop suey for dinner (from a can) and the children were asking about all the strange vegetables. "That's a bean sprout. ... That's a water chestnut. ... That's baby corn." at which point our three year old got upset and asked, "Daddy shot a baby?"

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  36. Loved that entry! That girl...she is my fave!

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  37. Seriously, a sitcom. Thank you so much for these enlightening dialogues! I feel as if your blog is preparing me for Motherhood. You and your wife do wonderful. You are a great parent.

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  38. This is probably the cutest thing I have ever read in my life... In a really, really weird way.

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  39. Oh man...*belly ache laughter*....oh man....*pant*

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  40. SO freaking funny! I am seriously still laughing, alone in my living room, like a crazy person.

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  41. Gross. And cute. And hilarious. Love your writing!

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  42. Excellent referral post. I love when my children give me weird looks because I'm laughing so hard I'm falling off of my chair.

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  43. Excellent referral post. I love when my children give me weird looks because I'm laughing so hard I'm falling off of my chair.

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  44. That's one of the funniest things I've read in a very long time :)

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  45. This is such a funny, amazing post! I think I pee'd myself a little bit reading it out loud to my husband! Can't wait 'til my little boy starts asking me 'life questions.'

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  46. I am shaking with laughter. Your blog is fab.

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  47. Ohmygoodnessgracious!!! I haven't laughed that long in a long time! I <3 your daughter. :)

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  48. oh my goodness. hahahahahahahahaha

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  49. This made me laugh so, so hard. I needed that, thank you.

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  50. I'm laughing so hard right now I'm crying.

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  51. Oh my! This is hilarious...and slightly disturbing, haha. I'm a vegetarian and I have to say I was laughing so hard while reading this post. Bambi nuggets, oh my gosh!

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  52. I am sincerely hoping Anna never gets a pet.

    Still love her though.

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  53. Oh my gosh, this is hysterical!

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  54. I just read this before your sex talk post (I haven't even read that one yet) and I laughed the whole time. I'm sorry if it gave you nightmares... I'm the sort of semi-horrible parent who would just laugh and laugh and make jokes about eating people meat.

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  55. Oh my gosh. This was hilarious and terrifying. You might want to introduce that one to soy. *shudder*

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  56. I had a similar experience with my daughter and Charlottes Web, I thought when she found out that Wilbur was Pork she would be crushed, but it didn't phase her at all. Instead, whenever we are having pork for dinner she says things like "Pass the Wilbur!", "Mmmmm, this Wilbur sure is good!". Kids are weird.

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  57. Ok, I have been on bed rest due to pregnancy joys for the past 3 weeks with another 5-8 ahead of me, and I have to say, NOTHING has cheered me up like this post just did. If all my snorting and laughing led to another preterm contraction--SO worth it!! :) Makes me think fondly of all the lovely and memorable conversations with my 3 year old daughter that have ended with me shuddering.

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