Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I don't get why nobody has contacted me regarding the national debt yet

There’s a lot of talk these days about debt reduction—and I don’t just mean my looming student loan debt. I’m talking bigger more daunting debt. The national debt.

Now, I’m no mathmetitian (nor can I even correctly spell the word mathematician without spell check), but I've been crunching some numbers, and I think there some pretty obvious ways to reduce the deficit that the powers that be haven't even considered. And frankly, I'm still not sure why I haven't been consulted on the matter.

Take for instance Youtube. Do you realize how much money could be made from a viral video? Lots. That’s how much. And it wouldn’t even be that hard to go viral. Like, say President Obama got some footage of Sasha and Malia playing with a kitty cat and then that kitty cat farted in Sasha’s face and Malia said something really funny like “Wow, that was some fierce feline flatulence!” And then they looked at the camera and smiled and giggled? Totally viral material, due to their celebrity. And then? Cha ching. Debt reduction.

 "I will personally resolve the debt crisis with my cuteness. And my bum hole."

Or blogging. So, I’m not sure if you readers realize this, but blogs can make money. Take my blog, for example. Just the other day, my new friend Ursula from Alaska donated five dollars to this blog. That just took my earnings from this cash cow of a writing project to a total of approximately $15 or $20 or maybe even $40 if you count the ad revenue I earned during the time period this blog was about ADD but that I forgot to cash out on because I have ADD. What this data indicates is that a blog from Capitol Hill, say a blog by John Boehner (I can’t see that name spelled out without laughing), for example, could rake in some serious money. Like maybe even hundreds of dollars a month. If he was feeling altruistic, he could siphon all or most of those earnings to offset the national debt. Of course, that might feel like revenue, so I’m not sure if he’d feel comfortable with that. But what I'm saying is, get a blog, powers that be! You're missing a ton of opportunity to fix our nation.

Other ideas:

E-book? (Famous White House Desserts might be a hit. Or White House Dogs: tales of canines as well as really ugly first ladies who have graced the White House)

Internet store? Okay, this one is so simple. Just make some mugs and stuff that have catchy slogans! In fact, I'm going to go to my Zazzle account right now to whip one up. It's that easy.

Browse other personalized gifts from Zazzle.

The mug says:  Solve the debt crisis! Buy 1 trillion of these mugs!

Guys, whoa. I think I might have just inadvertently solved the debt crisis myself.

Are you beginning to see how simple this really is?

There are tons of other ideas that would work really well, that nobody in Washington has even thought of. I'm not going to go into detail, but just think about it. Why are there no adsense ads on governmental sites? MONEY. How about Obama appearing in a music video with Lady Gaga and Pee Wee Herman or maybe a music video featuring Harry Reid in a wife-beater? MONEY. What about a Joe Biden/Nancy Pelosi pin up calendar? MONEY. White House garage sale? MONEY. E-bay sales of White House Memorabilia... you get the point. This isn't hard you guys! These are things that are just rolling out of me... like off the top of my head. Imagine if there were think-tanks considering this stuff? The crisis would be over, lickety-split.

So yeah, if you're concerned about the national debt like I am, you should probably do two things. First, I think you should contact your Congressman and tell them your opinion, and then maybe mention something about youtube or a blog or, you know, whichever of my ideas most caught your attention. And then you should probably buy one of those debt cups because I'll put the money directly toward my student loan debt and/or my lunch tomorrow the national debt. (Or at least part of it. The part that was your sales tax.).

If we all come together, we can make this happen!


  1. Great post, Josh! I have some ideas of my own:

    1. The Jersey Shore cast makes 1.3 million per season. Now, don't get me wrong, they deserve every penny. I mean, those folks work so hard, but times are tough. Since there are eight cast members, I say cancel the trash and apply the 10.4 million to the debt.

    2. Yesterday at the gym, I saw a clip on CNN that there are Casey Anthony masks going for $2500 on ebay. Perhaps we have been introduced to the next hot product!

    3. Movie tickets are expensive, and yet, when I go to the movies, they ask me if I want to donate a dollar for cancer research or something like that. Here's an idea: don't ask people to donate an extra dollar. Instead, donate one dollar from every already-expensive ticket to the national debt. With people running to see midnight showings of the final Harry Potter, this could have solved a huge chunk.

  2. OOh I like all your ideas. I really truly love Paul's movie ticket idea. Shoot maybe I will do a bake sale for the national debt. If a LOT of people did that we could help. This is good thinking. I like this brain storming of ideas. that mug is going to curb it for sure. Just think if 1 trillion of them were really bought! WOW! I am going to go think of more ideas now. And I like you a lot.

  3. I don't know about your blog and youtube ideas. I am like, the most famous person I know, and I barely breached 1,000 hits on my you tube video and blog letter combined. If I can't even get half as many readers as the Weed I doubt Obama could, let alone Boehner. And I know what you are thinking and this is NOT a cheap plug to get people to check out my blog. Shame on you.

  4. How about if you and your family MADE the mugs and then sold them IN CHINA?! Billions of people would buy them just to actually see the words "made in the usa" on the bottom. Crisis averted.

  5. @Paul--Your ideas are actually pretty awesome! Those actually had me kind of hoping someone would enact them.

    @Jenni--Come up with more and more, a'ight? We can make amazing things happen.

    @Kristina--Of course this wasn't a cheap plug for your blog! I'd never think anything like that. (Pssst *motions you over to whisper something in your ear* Next time you want to put in a cheap plug to your blog in a comment, google the html to make the web address a link--it's really simple, but I'm too lazy to look it up right now. But that way, people can just click there directly and will be even more likely to visit.) Whoa, what? Did you just hear something? I know I didn't!

    @erica--You seriously just took my idea to the next level. Thinking of a population that could perhaps support sales of this magnitude? GENIUS.

  6. you totally forgot about having a Car Wash! I have seen the White House Lawn - you could wash a at least, like, a trillion cars there! And Michelle has rockin arms that she loves to show off- this is her chance! This is what our Senior Class did when we couldn't pay for Prom. Isn't it a prerequisite to be Class President before you can be a Real President? He really should know these things. Can't wait for my new mug! (of course, I will have to put it on the credit card because I am in about a trillion dollars of debt myself)