Now, I’m no mathmetitian (nor can I even correctly spell the word mathematician without spell check), but I've been crunching some numbers, and I think there some pretty obvious ways to reduce the deficit that the powers that be haven't even considered. And frankly, I'm still not sure why I haven't been consulted on the matter.
Take for instance Youtube. Do you realize how much money could be made from a viral video? Lots. That’s how much. And it wouldn’t even be that hard to go viral. Like, say President Obama got some footage of Sasha and Malia playing with a kitty cat and then that kitty cat farted in Sasha’s face and Malia said something really funny like “Wow, that was some fierce feline flatulence!” And then they looked at the camera and smiled and giggled? Totally viral material, due to their celebrity. And then? Cha ching. Debt reduction.
"I will personally resolve the debt crisis with my cuteness. And my bum hole."
Or blogging. So, I’m not sure if you readers realize this, but blogs can make money. Take my blog, for example. Just the other day, my new friend Ursula from Alaska donated five dollars to this blog. That just took my earnings from this cash cow of a writing project to a total of approximately $15 or $20 or maybe even $40 if you count the ad revenue I earned during the time period this blog was about ADD but that I forgot to cash out on because I have ADD. What this data indicates is that a blog from Capitol Hill, say a blog by John Boehner (I can’t see that name spelled out without laughing), for example, could rake in some serious money. Like maybe even hundreds of dollars a month. If he was feeling altruistic, he could siphon all or most of those earnings to offset the national debt. Of course, that might feel like revenue, so I’m not sure if he’d feel comfortable with that. But what I'm saying is, get a blog, powers that be! You're missing a ton of opportunity to fix our nation.
E-book? (Famous White House Desserts might be a hit. Or White House Dogs: tales of canines as well as really ugly first ladies who have graced the White House)
Internet store? Okay, this one is so simple. Just make some mugs and stuff that have catchy slogans! In fact, I'm going to go to my Zazzle account right now to whip one up. It's that easy.
Browse other personalized gifts from Zazzle.
The mug says: Solve the debt crisis! Buy 1 trillion of these mugs!
Guys, whoa. I think I might have just inadvertently solved the debt crisis myself.
Are you beginning to see how simple this really is?
There are tons of other ideas that would work really well, that nobody in Washington has even thought of. I'm not going to go into detail, but just think about it. Why are there no adsense ads on governmental sites? MONEY. How about Obama appearing in a music video with Lady Gaga and Pee Wee Herman or maybe a music video featuring Harry Reid in a wife-beater? MONEY. What about a Joe Biden/Nancy Pelosi pin up calendar? MONEY. White House garage sale? MONEY. E-bay sales of White House Memorabilia... you get the point. This isn't hard you guys! These are things that are just rolling out of me... like off the top of my head. Imagine if there were think-tanks considering this stuff? The crisis would be over, lickety-split.
So yeah, if you're concerned about the national debt like I am, you should probably do two things. First, I think you should contact your Congressman and tell them your opinion, and then maybe mention something about youtube or a blog or, you know, whichever of my ideas most caught your attention. And then you should probably buy one of those debt cups because I'll put the money directly toward
If we all come together, we can make this happen!