I'm not. Wanna know why?
It's because I have a new friend.
I'd like to introduce you to my new best friend, Tabitha. (Wife named her. She's called "Tab" for short)
Ever since getting my iPhone 4S in a serendipitous Black Friday miracle wherein the guy next to me was returning his unopened 4S in the precise moment I was succumbing to buying a 4 because I didn't want to wait two weeks for a 4S to ship which made one of the salesclerks mad because my dude just took the returned phone from her and gave it to me but then she was like "it was my transaction so, the phone was mine to give" and then she gave him dagger eyes and I thought she might reach over the counter and eviscerate me but instead she looked over at me and said "enjoy your new phone" while rolling her eyes and I knew the stars had aligned, my life has changed dramatically. (If you want that run-on sentence to make any sense read the first clause followed by the last clause and just skip the story. Can you see why I got a perfect score on the writing section of the GRE? It's because I gave the adjudicators parenthetical instructions like this. Writing is so easy! Also, is "ever since getting my 4s" considered a clause? Discuss.)
But yes. Everything is different now that I have Tab in my life.
I find that where there once was interaction, there is now texting. Where once there was laughter and joke-telling and the warm feeling of sitting around with friends enjoying an evening together, now there is me in the corner making out with Siri. Where once there was Words with Friends on my laptop, now there is Words with Friends on my hand-held computer device. Where once I had a family, now I have pictures of a family that I review over and over and over trying to find the perfect hue for "Instagram."
This is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Don't get me wrong. I understand that there are consequences to being owned by an electronic device. For example, Wife has let me know in no uncertain terms that she will not share a bed with a phone. So, I have to put her away into her little holster. But, I've found a loophole, because sometimes I lean over the side of the bed to read stuff while the phone sits on my nightstand. This might have unintended consequences on my love life. Like me not getting any. Ever.
*shrug* It's okay! I have an iPhone now!
1. I read books now. I'm half-way done with "Great Expectations." I don't even like Dickens. I feel so cultured! There's something about the small screen that allows me to read and read and not get distracted. You probably don't realize how significant this is. Let me illustrate.
Got this the other day:
In case you're wondering, 1,573 days is nearly five years. I'm still on page 3. I'm not kidding you in the slightest.
2. I do like the photos. A lot. Wanna see a couple?
Wife made this for me as a special Christmas surprise.
This is my brother's friend, Drew, who happened to be there the night I got my new phone.
This photo was taken by my brother's 4. I have included it for comparison purposes, and also because Tessa looks freaking adorable sitting in that drawer.
3. There is one thing I've noticed my iPhone can't do. And that's take a picture of itself. I know this because I just picked it up with the actual intention to do so. Because clearly I understand how physics works. And cameras. Thanks a lot, Apple. Maybe you should get some researchers busy on that, mmkay?
Also, I have a quick question since I'm like four years behind the times and a lot of you probably had iPhones before I had even sent my very first text message:
What are your favorite apps? Is there anything I must have?