Monday, April 9, 2012

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes

I think one could say that this post is a rebirth.

I was gone for weeks. My brain was elsewhere. My sense of humor took a brief hiatus while I contemplated very deep and important mysteries like "why do I enjoy my daughter's lactose free milk so much?" and "just what is the symbolic implication of the term 'avox'"  and "why am I so charmed and fascinated by Kristen Bell's reaction to a sloth?" and "how is it possible that Whitney was face down???" *deep contemplative look*


Yet, here I am, once again.

You'll have to pardon me as I wax philosophical and pretentious and Freshman English Majory, but I think this post can best be encapsulated by Sylvia Plath's poem, Lady Lazarus, the final stanza of which reads:

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.


the only differences being that I don't have red hair, I haven't attempted suicide lately, I am not a lady or anything like Lazarus, and I certainly don't eat men like air, or even know what that's supposed to mean. But I'm sure you get my point.

I'm back.


And like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, this blog too will open its eyes, then spread its deformed, awkward wings, and try very hard to launch into flight in a spectacle of spasm and seizure. And when, after getting about six inches of lift,  it slaps back brutally to earth crushing its face into a nearby rock, it will then stand up on its gnarly, gangly legs and continue walking forward with a gangsta limp. And then, when it trips embarrassingly after three or four steps, this blog will roll, much like a potato bug retracted into its shell except without a protective exoskeleton, and will continue its forward momentum towards its final destination and goal, which if you figure out what that is please email me at joshua (dot) weed (at) gmail (dot) com and tell me, or tell me in the comments, because I'm still not sure what this thing is about. But whatever it is, it will never ever stop because somehow it's the most fun thing I've ever done in my life.

This blog is a fighter, ya'll.

Thanks for sticking around. All three of you.

Things to look forward to in the coming week or two:

1. A post instructing you on how to take the best wedding pictures in town. I will be using pictures from my own wedding in 2002, the colors for which were chosen by my sister-in-law who was 12 at the time because the only thing Wife cared about was the Honeymoon. You will be astounded and not just a little bit jealous. And who knows? Maybe you'll learn a thing or two about snapping a good photo!

2. A link, finally, to the post that I promised at the end of that week of posts mid-march. It has found a home!  It's satire, people. Satire. I promise. Stay tuned.

3. A schedule!!! I will post every Wednesday and every Saturday. Let's just try that on for size, shall we? (Today's post doesn't count because it's fake. Unless I don't post until Saturday, in which case, this counted as Wednesday. I think you can see how committed to this I am! Cool!)

In closing, I have found a few images that represent what this post is trying to communicate. Now, I realize this might be kind of abstract for some of you, but if you are deep and contemplative enough, you might "get it." I'm not sure if I've mentioned how lonely it is being a visionary like myself, but it's actually really isolated being deep and profound like me, and seeing the world in such variegated colors and prisms and depth. So, let me know in the comments if you see what I'm saying so you can join me on my island, where we will eat really putrid authentic cheeses and listen to Radiohead and Zeuhl all day long and then, at night, write free verse poems about Karma and irony and how hard it is to be an isolated intellectual. And if you're wrong, I won't judge you yes I will but I'll pretend to be nice.

Okay, first this:


 Then this:


 Mixed with this:



Get it???

Photo attributions: here, here and here

15 comments:

  1. Um, well, no. I don't know what you mean. But I do get the intrepid bloggyness you speak of, and am quite committed to blogging/not blogging on a certain non schedule that I like to believe keeps my own three readers hopping up and down in squee-like anticipation of my next post. Will it be today?? Or maybe tomorrow?? THE SUSPENSE!

    Welcome back~!

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    1. Why thank you! I'm a little sad you didn't give the picture message a go as I suspect you have the depth necessary to "get it" (shhh, don't tell anyone but it's possible that it's a sequence of the most random photos I could find...), but it's probably a safer bet just to leave it alone. Because it's so, sooo deep that it might actually blow your mind. Like a grenade next to a watermelon.

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  2. I am glad to see that you are back. You have been missed.

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  3. Reader #3 checking in...

    Ummm perhaps you're saying "I was tired, then I reconnected and now I've got game?"

    Or perhaps your absence was caused by an intense need to crochet--and you now have several afghans decorating your home and office.

    Either way, it's nice to have you back!

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    1. Your comment made me chuckle several times. Thanks for checking in, reader #3! I think your first interpretation is pretty brilliant. Obviously, you've got some depth to you. If I were really on my game, I'd insert a picture of an afghan into this comment be like "it was actually interpretation #2" but I don't have one accessible to me at the moment, so we're just gonna have to pretend. Thanks for the laugh!

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  4. Your tired...and cross...and giving everyone the bird?

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    1. Ha! I like it! It's actually really fun to see what people come up with. That was funny.

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  5. All time greatest roller coaster of Boston Mass.

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    1. Whoa Shane. Welcome to the island. That was... breathtaking.

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  6. First of all, I've got nothing..secondly, reader #4 checking in! I,too, have a VERY neglected blog. And your blog is much wittier (?) than my poor orphan blog. *sigh* I guess we all can't be "the weed" now can we? :)

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    1. Thanks for checking in, #4! And thanks for the compliment ;-) (Now that #4 has checked in I might have to change my entire perspective on life... what does this mean? Who am I? What is this post? Where can I get some lactose free milk now that I'm at work? Life is complex.)

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  7. As this is my first visit to your island, I can not form an intellectual opinion on your post. I do like the word variegated as used though. I found you on Bloggers and having daughters was the primary draw for me as I have a few myself.

    As for your photo collection I would guess it means having daughters has left you in the position of running on four flats on occasion. The Christmas gift of the crochet machine to said daughters was well received and used and now a proud fatherly display is in order. Larry Bird may indicate the frustrated desire of a father to have an athlete in the genetic pool. Then again I could be completely wrong and just giving voice to my feeling of being father to daughters as well. Very deep please stop making me think.

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    1. Hey Fireman, I loved your interpretation. As one father of daughters to another, I think you had special insight into my pain and isolation. Thanks for getting deep, and thanks a ton for stopping by. I'm checking out your blog now...

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