I was gone for weeks. My brain was elsewhere. My sense of humor took a brief hiatus while I contemplated very deep and important mysteries like "why do I enjoy my daughter's lactose free milk so much?" and "just what is the symbolic implication of the term 'avox'" and "why am I so charmed and fascinated by Kristen Bell's reaction to a sloth?" and "how is it possible that Whitney was face down???" *deep contemplative look*
Yet, here I am, once again.
You'll have to pardon me as I wax philosophical and pretentious and Freshman English Majory, but I think this post can best be encapsulated by Sylvia Plath's poem, Lady Lazarus, the final stanza of which reads:
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
the only differences being that I don't have red hair, I haven't attempted suicide lately, I am not a lady or anything like Lazarus, and I certainly don't eat men like air, or even know what that's supposed to mean. But I'm sure you get my point.
And like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, this blog too will open its eyes, then spread its deformed, awkward wings, and try very hard to launch into flight in a spectacle of spasm and seizure. And when, after getting about six inches of lift, it slaps back brutally to earth crushing its face into a nearby rock, it will then stand up on its gnarly, gangly legs and continue walking forward with a gangsta limp. And then, when it trips embarrassingly after three or four steps, this blog will roll, much like a potato bug retracted into its shell except without a protective exoskeleton, and will continue its forward momentum towards its final destination and goal, which if you figure out what that is please email me at joshua (dot) weed (at) gmail (dot) com and tell me, or tell me in the comments, because I'm still not sure what this thing is about. But whatever it is, it will never ever stop because somehow it's the most fun thing I've ever done in my life.
This blog is a fighter, ya'll.
Thanks for sticking around. All three of you.
Things to look forward to in the coming week or two:
1. A post instructing you on how to take the best wedding pictures in town. I will be using pictures from my own wedding in 2002, the colors for which were chosen by my sister-in-law who was 12 at the time because the only thing Wife cared about was the Honeymoon. You will be astounded and not just a little bit jealous. And who knows? Maybe you'll learn a thing or two about snapping a good photo!
2. A link, finally, to the post that I promised at the end of that week of posts mid-march. It has found a home! It's satire, people. Satire. I promise. Stay tuned.
3. A schedule!!! I will post every Wednesday and every Saturday. Let's just try that on for size, shall we? (Today's post doesn't count because it's fake. Unless I don't post until Saturday, in which case, this counted as Wednesday. I think you can see how committed to this I am! Cool!)
In closing, I have found a few images that represent what this post is trying to communicate. Now, I realize this might be kind of abstract for some of you, but if you are deep and contemplative enough, you might "get it." I'm not sure if I've mentioned how lonely it is being a visionary like myself, but it's actually really isolated being deep and profound like me, and seeing the world in such variegated colors and prisms and depth. So, let me know in the comments if you see what I'm saying so you can join me on my island, where we will eat really putrid authentic cheeses and listen to Radiohead and Zeuhl all day long and then, at night, write free verse poems about Karma and irony and how hard it is to be an isolated intellectual. And if you're wrong, I won't judge you
Okay, first this:
Mixed with this: