In the car, on the way home from Wal-mart, the following conversation seriously happened.
Anna: What was wrong with that lady?
Wife: What lady?
Anna: The one that was getting into the car next to us. She didn't even smile at me. Usually people smile at a little girl like me...
Wife: I don't know, honey. Maybe she was just having a bad day.
Anna: Well, what happened to her?
Wife: I really don't know. Maybe she's just grumpy.
Anna: I have an idea of what happened.
Wife: Oh really? What do you think?
Anna: Maybe her husband got killed in that store.
Wife: Well, that certainly would make someone grumpy.
Anna: Or maybe a box fell on her. Or maybe her baby ate her grocery list.
Wife: Those are distinct possibilities.
Anna: Or maybe she just read Daddy's last post.
Yes, apparently Anna is a blog critic now. And apparently she thinks reading my last post is about on par with having your husband killed in Wal-mart.
I formally apologize to you all if reading this post reminds you of the time when a box fell on you. Or makes you so grumpy you can't even spare a smile for a cute six-year-old in the Wal-mart parking lot.
(Wife just leaned over and said that she thinks I should declare tomorrow the official "Smile at a Child at Wal-mart Day." I replied that I think she just, in that instant, made it "Create Ridiculous Holidays That Make no Sense" day. We deliberated for a while, and in the end we agreed on calling tomorrow "Eat
Whatever You Want Friday." That's what I call compromise.)
Completely off topic question, but do you happen to have a brother or other male relative on a mission in Tennessee right now? Because I attended a baptism last weekend, and one of the missionaries there was Elder Weed. I'm sure there are lots of Elder Weeds out there that are unrelated to you, but this one looked like you, too.
ReplyDeleteNo way!! Yes, that's my brother. He just got to Tennessee a week or so ago, so he's as green as they come. And you absolutely just made me feel kinda like a celebrity for noticing him, so thanks for asking! People say that he is like my twin separated by ten years. If you run into him again, you should go up to him and ask if he's related to The Weed. It will probably make his entire life. We actually joked about that happening (in a totally "yeah right" kind of way) so it will seriously blow his mind!
DeleteThanks for asking! Feed him a dinner for me or something, or at least tell him I say "hi"! ;-) So cool!!!
He's in one of the other wards that meet in our building, so I'm sure I'll see him again. I'll be sure to say hello.
DeleteWhat mission in TN, do you mind me asking? I currently live in Franklin, where the Nashville temple is, and I also served my mission here four years ago, so I'm very involved with the work here. I would love to catch a glimpse of The Weed Jr.
DeleteI served for six months in the Winstead Hill Ward in 2006. Easily one of the happiest times on my mission.
DeleteHeading to the Mariner's game tonight Josh, thanks for giving me permission to eat whatever I want - YUM!!!! Peanuts, licorice, hot dogs, cotton candy, lemonade, Dots, Dove bar - Oh and I promise to smile at Anna next time I see her! She is right, people have no reason not to smile at a beautiful little girl like her!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha, you're welcome. In fact, it would be offensive, on this day of days, NOT to eat whatever you want. Especially at a Mariner's game. Hope you guys have a blast!!
DeleteOh my gosh, SOOO funny! I miss that Anna girl. And thanks for saying we can eat whatever we want... I know our days almost over but we have cupcakes, trifles, carrot cake, M&M's.. just to name a few, that are calling my name tonight. =)
ReplyDeleteThis is Kammie by the way. =)
I hope you enjoyed all those treats. I kinda wish I were in Scotland right now. Well, for a lot of reasons. Carrot cake not the least among them.
DeleteI like how you tried to figure out why the lady next to you was having a bad day. Wal-Mart creates a solar system of emotions that are all to its own.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. It's like a vortex of pain, confusion and really good prices.
DeleteThat last sentence just made my day. I worked overnight at Walmart for a few months, and it wasn't too bad, but oh, that sentence was DEAD ON. Thank you!!!
DeleteHaha I totally agree about the "pain, confusion, and really good prices." I also worked at Walmart and I think Anna has a legit point about falling boxes, they were obscenely common.
DeleteI love that Anna expects everyone to smile at her. You know that you guys are never allowed to move because I have to know what kind a person a girl like Anna becomes...
ReplyDeleteI walked around the neighborhood today looking at the houses for sale just for the fun of it. There are a lot of them, one exactly like yours/the Bishops'.
DeleteWhat do you say about a mass exodus to Highpointe? Or to So Cal for that matter?
So Cal is a good place to escape to.
DeleteI love that the first thing that she thought of was that the woman's husband was killed in Wal-Mart. I know Wal-Mart makes me fear for my life, I just didn't realize a six year-old would pick up on something like that.
ReplyDeleteYeah, she has a really keen sense for all things death and pain and interpersonal drama related. So Wal-mart was a likely target.
DeleteAlso, she's been asking me about stories about her grandparents and great grandparents lately. Somehow she finagles the conversation so I find myself saying things like "and then he died of AIDS" or "Grandma divorced him because he was beating her" to a six-year-old. It's a little uncanny.
Nice blog and posts .
ReplyDeleteVisit my blog LOYFLY
Hey, thanks a ton for the spam! Pro-tip: in the future, actually reading the post will help you appear more credible.
DeleteSince it is "eat whatever you want friday" I don't feel terrible that I just pigged out before I worked out...
ReplyDeleteHey, at least you worked out! There's bonus eating afterwards for that kind of behavior. Good on you!
DeleteThis reminds me of the time that box of Christmas ornaments fell on my head back in '89. Holy crap, that was a traumatizing experience. And I had glitter in my hair for months! And the kids all made fun of me for having a box on my head for a while, too.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, Mr Weed!
(Kidding, this post made me actually LOL. :) )
I'm really, really sorry I reminded you of such a traumatic thing. My posts tend to do that. Isn't that why people come to a humor blog? To be reminded of childhood trauma and death?
DeleteOkay, probably not.
(Glad you LOLed! Thanks for the comment ;-) )
I'm tearing up. Little kids have no filters whatsoever. You might want to watch out though, your little girl first wanted Bambi nuggets and now hungers for human flesh.
ReplyDeleteI know... I'm wary these days.
DeleteActually, weirdly the other day she said that she hated eating meat because she didn't want to hurt animals. I was like WHAT? You are a HUNTER! You wanted to kill deer with your bear hands 10 months ago!
I guess that's what turning six does to a person...
She probably could kill a deer if she had BEAR hands!
DeleteI'm sorry the lady didn't smile at your daughter. No matter what Wal-Mart does to a person they should still return the smile of a child. As far as the question that your title asks, the answer is YES!!! That store is possessed. We can go in there a happy, cheerful family and 10 minutes into it son (age 12) has turned into a demon child, husband is saying he needs to get out of there before he completely loses it and I'm trying to keep the two of them from killing one another or some innocent person who crosses their path. Certain locations are worse than others but they all have this effect to some extent.
ReplyDeleteI've never thought about the fact that there are likely zones within Wal-mart that are more grumpy-making than others, but that's definitely true. Or is it that you're saying that different Wal-marts have differing levels of crazy making?
ReplyDeleteFact is, I think both observations are true. Wilma Wins!
I LOATHE WalMart. That is all.
ReplyDeleteI loathe Wal-Mart as well. However, I DO like the website "People of Wal-Mart". It will always lift my spirits and make me feel instantly superior.
ReplyDeleteI think your daughter should probably have her own blog.
The Weedette.
It was excellent and very informative. As a first time visitor to your blog I am very impressed. I found a lot of informative stuff in your article. Thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteI have one of those cute girls... She just came home with a vase full of hand picked flowers.
ReplyDeleteHer: close your eyes!
Me: why?
Her: Cuz I have a surprize (spelling to emphasize her "accent")
Me: ok...
Her: K, open them.
Me: Umm... where did you get all those flowers.
Her: From the house up the stweet.
Me: And the vase? (pretty glass vase)
Her: They gave it to me...really, I'm not even lying...
Me: Okay...they are really...umm... pretty *forces as smile 7 goes back to reading your blog... ignorance is bliss :)
I'm pissed off Every time I have to walk into Walmart. 1 it sucks
ReplyDelete2 the 1/2 hour line wait to check out
3 I love kids but I can't walk down an isle without tripping over one or hitting one with my cart
4 those b@$+@£&$ still owe me 6000 dollars in unpaid overtime that I will never see. Instead I got a check in the mail for .60 c
5 people at the front door asking for money or to talk to you. "I said no! Ask me again and I will stab you!"
I shop at Walmart because it is good for my wallet, but it is usually NOT a happy experience. I guess it is a challenge to see if I can behave in a Christlike way in an irritating place!
ReplyDeleteI love this story about Walmart. My husband works at Walmart and so it is my place for shopping because we get a discount. But, honestly, if it weren't for the fact that I know practically everyone in the store (kinda celebrity status, when everyone knows you.) I wouldn't drive all that way (30 minutes one way). Sometimes I walk through the store and smile at random people just to see them look at me like I'm nuts. "Nobody smiles at Walmart! What do you think you are doing?" Anyway, your blog is a new find for me and I am definitely keeping it coming. Good work!
ReplyDeleteI usually end up going to Walmart about 11:45pm and therefore share the store with the truly negligent parents touting around their overtired/sugarfried children waiting in a 1/2 hr line to work with a checker who is due for a coffee break. I can feel the life being sucked right out of me as I read the sign over the door upon entering.
ReplyDeleteWe have an Anna girl too. It would be scary to see what they would say together! Loved the Weed story!
ReplyDeleteI would probably explain to Anna that just because you smile at someone doesn't mean they will OR are required to smile back. I don't think a child should be taught to expect something from another person simply because she or he is a child.
ReplyDeleteA
ReplyDeleteYou are freaking hilarious. I seriously love your posts.
ReplyDelete...or maybe that lady just found out where Bambi nuggets come from, and was not quite as enthused about it as your Little Hunter.
ReplyDelete--LM
Your posts have made me, this middle aged, wife and mother of 2, and now grandmother, laugh, reflect and just plain smile for 2 days now. Thank you for being you; sharing your life and family with all of us. I hope you all the best and please keep going on....Your new faithful follower
ReplyDeleteI had read this post a while back, and just went to Wal-mart the other day. As I was pulling out of my parking spot, this little girl waved at me. I knew what she was thinking after I had read this post! So I waved back and smiled :) Don't want her thinking someone just died in the store...
ReplyDeleteI actually had the people greeter THANK me as I left the other day! *gasp* What is this world coming to??? lol
ReplyDelete-Laura
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy GUYYYYYYYYSS ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, I love it!!!! Anna is too funny!!
ReplyDelete