Friday, July 6, 2012

Lesson in obedience--aka sometimes FHE doesn't go as planned...

The other night during Family Home Evening:

Lolly is giving a lesson on obedience.

Anna: Ouch! Tessa [our one-year-old] is pulling my hair!

Lolly: Tessa, no! We don't pull hair.

The lesson continues.

Tessa pulls Anna's hair again.

Anna: Ouch! Ooooouuch!! Tessa stop it! I guess maybe I should pull your hair so you can see how it feels.

Anna tugs at Tessa's hair.

Anna: Do you like that Miss T?

Tessa laughs and nods her head yes. At which point, Lolly looks at me like "What the....?"

Tessa then reaches over and grabs Anna's hair so hard that she rips a chunk of hair off of Anna's head.

Anna:  Ouch!!

Lolly: Tessa, no! We need to be nice to Anna!

Tessa: *laughs maniacally, starts flossing her teeth with strands of Anna's ripped-out hair, begins to growl like a rabid dog that has just tasted blood*

Everyone in the room looks at each other in fear of what will happen next. We all laugh, but it's a nervous laughter, filled with dread.


Tessa: *gets off the couch and begins running with Anna's hair-strands in her mouth around the island in the kitchen*


Lolly: Tessa, come back until we finish the lesson on being obedient...


Tessa: *starts screaming like a banshee, removes her own diaper, runs naked around the house*

We wonder if we should corral her. Instead we quickly finish the lesson, and then I grab the naked one-year-old and take her, howling and writhing and nipping at me like a fox caught in the wild, up to bed.

Aaaand, scene.





31 comments:

  1. This phrase insinuated itself into our FHE opening prayers and stayed there for years (and I don't *think* it was a "vain repetition"):

    "... and please bless us that nobody will run screaming to their room tonight ..."

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  2. OH the exciting life! I applaud your patience, Weeds, "We wonder if we should corral her. Instead we quickly finish the lesson..."

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  3. WELP.

    Definitely putting off having kids for the next decade or so of my life...haha

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    1. Bwaahaahaa! Kids themselves can be a very effective form of birth control!

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  4. Ah, yes, memories of those fun family home evenings with small kids. Must...finish...the...lesson...at...all...cost. Never mind that all heck is breaking loose :-)

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  5. Love it! Your family is so wonderful. Love you guys!

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  6. She was providing a counter-example to obedience?

    Counter-examples can be very useful in teaching a concept. Maybe even indispensable. Good for you, Tessa! Don't let your detractors discourage you. We pioneers are always misunderstood.

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    1. In case it matters to anyone, I might not post here any more. You can email me from my profile.

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  7. I have one who was a vegetarian at age 3. Not that she wouldn't eat meat, but that she "didn't want to kill animals" and therefor quite eating meat. I also was sure she would be an atheist. She was baptized at 8, by her choice. (I made her "Choose!") We will see… You never know! Either way, she is wonderful!

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  8. How in the world did you end up with scary kids? First Bambi, then how Tessa was born, and now Tessa. I think it spreads. Through the air, maybe. Tell us when you feel the urge to go crazy.

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    1. Yup. Anna and Tessa are definitely related!

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  9. Sometimes I think having FHE with children under 5 should automatically qualify us to have a tequila as the treat.

    Way to persevere!

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    1. Have a wild thing there, do you? This is why we have kids: to provide interesting stories to tell our friends and relatives, and to hold over the kids for the rest of their lives!

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  10. Lol, that was hillarious! I love when she nodds and is like, yes parents hair yanking is wonderfule on me or you.

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  11. You have a serial killer sociopath baby! Like "Raising Hope"! Congratulations.

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  12. Haha...soooo funny. It's always nice to know we're not alone when it comes to lesson crazies.

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  13. so i haven't read since the club unicorn initial post so I'm not really up on the 4,000 comments, I'm just sorry some have been so harsh. i don't really care how ya'll live, i think you are the freakin funniest people EVER! seriously! and your kids- how are they sooooooo FUNNY?!?! it obviously is genetic cause you people are killin me! LOVE IT! I'm glad you came out just so i can start reading about your absolute hilarious takes on life- the bambi story!!! classic!
    and I'm now going to not be so scared of dropping the shroud of the tooth fairy- in fact i think I'm going to try and get the convo going just so i can have the adoration of my daughters- seriously you guys rock parenting!! your the coolest in all aspects of life if you ask me- i wanna be bff's!!

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    1. Lol! Growing up we'd play a game at the end of FHE. One game, that always ended with someone crying, was eventually dubbed 'The Game from Hell.'

      "...Aaaamen. Now what game should we play?"
      "Oooh, the game from hell! The game from hell!"

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  14. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezwIZo-hKiI
    an interesting little movie trailer

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  15. From TS: Great post. Some years ago I knew a Protestant minister, who was married and had (I forget) five or six young children. He heard that some Catholic priests resented not being allowed to marry, and he said they should just come by his house, any day around five in the evening.

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  16. Now that's what I call FHE. :)

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  17. Baby handcuffs. Consider it.

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  18. Well, at least Tessa's teeth are clean. That's obedient.

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  19. You and Lolly were used in my Relief Society class today as an example of obedience. :)

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  20. i could have written this. well, okay, i couldn't have been as clever, but its TOTALLY my life.

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  21. "come back until we finish the lesson on being obedient..."

    That is a funny sentence. :)

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  22. That was hysterical!
    I love that you named your daughter Tessa! Where did you come up with that??? (That's actually my name too, hence the question. (: )

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  23. Someone in your family needs to become a cartoonist...

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