Thursday, September 13, 2012

Poll for tomorrow's Friday's Frequently Asked Question (FFAQ) post. Also, pictures from my hike this morning. UPDATE: Poll closes at 8:00pm PST

Well, the hike was a success, and I didn't even defecate everywhere, which is always a plus when you're climbing to the top of a mountain.

Here are some pictures:


This is me on top of a mountain. Because I climb mountains. It's just something I do. 

Click "Read More" to see the rest and to see the poll:




 Me and my buddy JT. You can see a bunch of non-mountainous valley stuff behind us. There are some trees there I think. And maybe a river. (We are on Mount Si for anyone who cares.)



These are of my knee which I bloodied when I tripped on a rock while descending the mountain at the speed of light. (Seriously, we did this hike FAST. 90 minutes up, 45 minutes down. 4,000 feet. It's no big deal.)


Anyway, it was a good hike. 

I'm really tired so I'm going to hit the hay.

Oh, wait! Tomorrow is Friday, so I want to accrue some questions for my awesomely alliterative Friday's Frequently Asked Question post. So, is there something you've wanted to ask me? I've been thinking about how to do this, and maybe this is dumb, but what I think I'll do is: if you have a question that you've wanted me to answer (about gayness or about anything else as well), ask it in the comments. Then, if you see a question already asked that you also want answered just reply to the comment saying "ditto". The question with the most "dittos" is the one I'll answer. So remember, if there's a question that you really want me to answer, be sure to "ditto" it so it gets chosen. 

I'm sure there's a better, cleaner more tech savvy way to do this. Until you teach me it though, this is all we've got. 

Thanks for being awesome guys.

AMAZINGLY good questions. I'm excited. Poll closes at 8:00pm PST, so get your dittoes in!

102 comments:

  1. Josh, as Latter-Day Saints, we believe in a resurrection where our bodies are restored to perfection. If I can ask what may be a really personal/controversial question...what is your idea of what that perfected state would be for you? If you could, would you simplify your life and simply want to "become" straight? Or do you think that being gay is a defining part of who you are, and that you are already perfected with that trait? I think it's an important question for our church- what is the end goal for people like you? For LGBT Mormons, what does heaven and perfection look like, what are they hoping for? Do you think that your answer differs from others in the community?

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    1. Ditto. My idea of perfection has changed throughout my life. I grew up with a disfigurement as a result of an accident while young. As a teenager i hoped for the end to xome so i could have my perfect body. At this point in mylife i wouldnt change a thing about my body. I belive it really is one thing that defines me and makes me who i am.

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    2. DITTO! What an excellent question!

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    3. Ditto-what a great question

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    4. Ditto...good question...will be interesting to see response. IMO, a perfected body is not subject to desires "of the flesh", sexual impulses, so the issue would be moot after the resurrection. Just my thought...ooooh, I hope he picks this one...

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  2. Have you ever had a crush on a guy before you started to date Lolly? Have you had a crush on a guy after you started to date Lolly and before marriage? And what about after you got married? How did you handle your emotions in each of these circumstances?

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    1. Ditto. And I also wonder how did Lolly react to this circumstances.

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    2. Ditto. Joint post with Lolly on this one would be much appreciated, too...

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    3. Good question here. Ditto

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  3. I really like the two above questions so I had to decide between ditto-ing (yup that IS a word!) those or asking this one. But here is my question:
    Josh, you have made it clear that you don't think someone should judge or condemn a person who chooses to participate in same sex relationships. That we should love everyone etc. But you really really dance around the question of if you, Josh Weed, think living the "gay lifestyle" is a sin. So even though you love everyone, do you think those of us who are choosing different paths from you are sinning? Do you think, while God loves us, he approves of what we are doing? In the eyes of God is being gay and living it a sin?

    Thanks, I love this blog, I just really want to know and it seems as though you really dance around that question :-)

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    1. Ditto, and -- as someone whose religion has different teachings on homosexuality -- I'd also like to know whether you support legal civil marriage in the US.

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    2. If Josh is no judging or condemn a person who lives a same sex relationship, why does he have to be pinned down to whether or not it is a sin in his eyes? Is this going to change your life or even his? I don't get it. Why does anyone care? What does it change?

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    3. Ditto. As a former Mormon and the mother of two wonderful gay sons, I left the Church because I didn't believe that living a gay lifestyle and loving someone of the same sex was a sin. So, if you believe that homosexuality that is acted upon is a sin, I made the right choice. If you don't believe this, then perhaps I should return to the Church and begin educating a few homophobic members.

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    4. I agree, always dancing around questions it seems he doesnt want to answer. Just saying ! DITTO!!!!! DITTO!!!!

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    5. Ditto! You can love someone of the same sex Lilly girl, but acting on the impulses of the situation is different. And quite frankly, you are not respsonsible for your sons actions but yourself. Should you love them, ABSOLUTELY! But the bigger sin is leaving the church for those reasons.

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    6. Paul has something to say on this in his letter to Timothy, 1 Timothy, chapter 1, verse 10. It is only briefly mentioned, and you should read the whole chapter in context. Not giving in to sexual temptation can be a tricky one whether a person is attracted to the same gender or the opposite, but giving in to fornication of either type is still a sin. Paul also teaches about this in 1 Corinthians 7, and Matthew in chapter 19. Regardless of how a person chooses to act though, God still loves them, and so should we. It's not our place to condemn others for their choices.

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  4. Do you have a hard time having guy friends? I know as a married woman, I try not to have friendships with men, but since your attraction is different, does having male friends pose a problem for you?

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    1. ditto, I know the answer, but I think I would like to see you write about it. :) P.S. way to go on the Hike! JT had lots of fun, and cant' wait to go again (at a more normal pace).

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    2. ditto. but more than if you have a hard time. how do you successfully establish and maintain your guy friendships. as a ssa guy, it's always been easier for me to make female friends. i'm not into sports, which seems to really limit me in my attempts to find common ground with a lot of guys.

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  5. A few months back you started going all out with physical fitness, hitting the gym and all that. How's that going?

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  6. As a fellow sappy violinist, I would like to know, if you had a choice between playing the violin like Itzhak Perlman or Hilary Hahn, who would you choose and why?
    (should you need help making your decision, consider the following clips: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoShJXK8ttw and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmT2jkKCEsg - or you could compare them playing Bach, but that comes with so many preconceptions about how Bach should sound)

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  7. Josh, here's my question:
    You've briefly talked about the fact that you served a mission, which is wonderful! I'm sure you were a great missionary. Can you tell us, though, about your experience on a mission, as someone who is gay, with a full-time male companion? Was this hard for you? Did your mission president know? I have had friends who didn't go on a mission because of their gay tendencies. Ive also had some who still went and were awesome, and others who came home early because of their struggles.
    What do you think about this? I'd love for you to just elaborate your feelings on the whole topic, and your experience :).

    Thanks for being so great!

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    1. Ps. I don't meant to suggest that being gay would have a negative influence on your ability to share the gospel. (your coming out post proves anyone who thinks that wrong:). I just want to know about the dynamics of having male companions who you had to be around 24/7.

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    2. Good question! Ditto!!

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    3. Ditto... btw- where did "ditto" come from?

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    4. Ditto! We're a bunch of ditto heads here (oh, my gosh, that's a Rush Limbaugh thing - I'd wash my mouth out with soap, but since my fingers typed this, I'll have to go wash my hands instead).

      I wondered about this just a bit since one of my sons returned from his mission a couple of years ago and I know how close quarters are for missionaries.

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    5. I had an Elder in my mission that struggled with these tendencies, and he was sent home from his mission. It made all of us missionaries uncomfortable. After all, those who are straight are not put into a companionship with a sister missionary. Its for a reason. All-in-all, I give him credit for trying his hardest, but one thing he did say is that its almost impossible to shun away those feelings and live a 'normal' healthy life. Interesting situation here....

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  8. I have a question. With the BSA's ban on openly gay members being banned as members and leaders what would you do if the Bishop called you into a Scout calling?

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    1. I think this an excellent question! Especially as it is something I think about for the future. I want my son, when he's of age, to participate in Scouts - but strongly disagree with their beliefs about this (in addition to it being difficult to find a scout group not affiliated with a LDS ward in SLC, which is a whole other discussion, give the experiences my brother had As a child, trying to participate in scouts and not being LDS.) Run-on sentence win!

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    2. Ditto, do you know if this would affect you in any calling with the Young Men or BSA?

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  9. Can I "ditto" several of these questions? Please answer all of them over the next several weeks; I'd love to hear your thoughts on lots of them.

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    1. I think all of them should be answered. why only 1 question....what r u afraid of.......

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  10. alot of great questions. I'd be cool ditto-ing all of them

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  11. My question is more from a family support perspective. You have mentioned that your parents knew when you were really young, that you were attracted to men. You felt loved and accepted and felt that you would be loved and accepted regardless of how you chose to live your life. How exactly was that done?

    We have a young family member who has come out to his part LDS part non parents who are divorced and each remarried and I believe he is pursuing same sex relationships now. We know second hand of all of this knowledge but have never had open dialogus with him regarding any of this. It is sort of like the elephant in the room. His LDS Mom doesn't really know how to handle it, and just wants to ignore it rather than have open dialogues about it. As has been discussed, there needs to be open communication, love, acceptance with our youth regardless of the lifestyle he chooses. Because my husband and I have not personally been brought into the discussion, any suggestions how would we go about pursuing an open discussion regarding all of it?

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  12. Ok, my question is of a more counselling in nature. My son is a very sensitive, very bright 7 year old. This summer he became suicidal (which scared the heck out of both of us). On Monday we have a 2 hour initial counselling session for him with our local Child/Teen Mental Health program. So my questions are: 1. How to help our son (both my husband and I suffer from depression and have been suicidal in the past), books/videos/whatever resources you can think of. 2. How to explain to a 7 year old what is happening with the counselling? (he has a vivid imagination and is very into science and I think that is helping him to be a little scared) 3. Is childhood depression increasing or is it just more recognized now?

    Also, if you want to reply to me personally that is ok too...

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  13. I really liked your post the other day about talking to the youth - and I totally agree with everything you said. My question is, though, what are your suggestions for explaining the concept of homosexuality to younger, Primary-aged kids (who know/see love and family relationships of different orientations, but who don't yet know about sex or necessarily understand the concept of attraction)within the context of the gospel, being clear about standards, but still teaching kindness and love?

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  14. I am LDS and my sibling told me last year that he is gay and is going to live the gay lifestyle. He served a mission and is in his 30s so he's thought long and hard about this and is at peace with his decision. So far it hasn't had much impact as he either hasn't currently found a partner, or hasn't told us about it, but I'm wondering how best to handle things when he eventually settles down with one. How can I explain this to my children while still teaching my values? We are really close and I don't want this to effect our relationship, but have been afraid to really have an open conversation with him about his experiences. BTW your story has really helped me to let go of alot of prejudices and misunderstandings about homosexuality. Thanks!

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    1. I live this concept. My two cents:

      One of the experiences that has been formative in my opinions about how homosexuality relates to me, a hetero female, was listening to Dr. Laura once, years ago. She told someone in this exact situation that they have a golden opportunity to teach their children that gay people are normal, lovable people, who may just be members of your family. Let them be exposed to homosexuality in open, loving terms. If they aren't gay, it won't turn them gay. If they are, it will teach them that their family will always love and respect them.

      I had never even considered that, at the time. All I knew was to protect the children from teh evil gays.

      It's a little more complicated when you work on the sun angle, but I teach it the same way we teach other differences in our faith: some people shop on Sundays, but we don't. We still get to be friends with those people, even make them part of our families. This is, obviously, super simplified for younger kids, but it's a good start to building a more nuanced foundation, IMO.

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    2. Sorry, "sin" angle. Stupid predictive text.

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    3. Anon @ 11:00 AM, your question is very interesting and important. I'm a Mormon, married in temple, with three kids, and I'm gay.

      And through my experience I came to a belief that homosexuality is given to the human kind not just for gay people to be able to choose, but also for straight people to learn the lesson of a particular kind of love & acceptance which is impossible to express in any other way except towards people with same sex attraction (no matter whether they act upon it or not).

      I also believe that only through Mormonism, homosexuality as a phenomenon can actually express it's full purpose, both in positive and in negative ways. I think that us Mormons are just scratching the surface of that opportunity, which will continue to unfold in times ahead.

      Here are some of the reasons why I believe the Mormon doctrine is crucial for understanding homosexuality.

      1) There is no group on the Earth who insists on chastity before marriage and fidelity after the marriage more than Mormons. And only in an environment of total premarital chastity and total marital fidelity one is able to fully explore emotions of both opposite sex attraction as well as same sex attraction, and then give a proper account of it. Under any other condition, there can always be a doubt that same sex attraction is ultimately behavioral or "nurtured". (I'm not suggesting that sexual attraction cannot be induced by prior behavior, I'm just saying that the most puzzling possibility from the religious perspective is the fact that homosexuality can actually be inborn, so only in a pure environment of chastity & fidelity it can properly be examined and evaluated. Just as Joshua Weed is doing.)

      2) There is no group on the Earth who put greater stress on the importance of marriage between a man and a woman for spiritual development of each and every human being. For Mormons, that's pivotal. Probably the greatest misunderstanding between Mormons & non-Mormons related to Mormon's stance about homosexuality stems precisely from non-Mormons' lack of knowledge (or even total oblivion, I would argue) about that crucial link between proper heterosexual relationship & spiritual growth that Mormons find not just dear, but a demonstrable truth. So, in order for someone (Mormon or non-Mormon) to be able to fully understand that very important aspect of homosexuality as a litmus test of love & acceptance by straight people, one needs to be tested from the extreme position of pivotal importance of traditional (man-woman) relationship & marriage. It is much easier more or less superficially - without deep and proper understanding of the dynamic of love & acceptance of a gay person by a straight person - to accept homosexuality and it's implications by someone who does not hold Mormon belief on eternal marriage. Mormon doctrine, if properly believed, pushes a person to make great strides and to face a mighty spiritual struggle in accepting same sex attraction as well as homosexual relationships of others (no matter if they are inborn or behaviorally induced). I believe that that is spiritually very healthy position to be in. Struggle is the essence of every spiritual growth.

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    4. Wow, I LOVE how you explain this. This has always seemed like such a taboo subject and I love learning about how even same sex attraction is part of God's plan for our growth and happiness. People like you and Josh (and the families that support you) are awesome!

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  15. I have a son who recently told me that he is gay. We are also LDS. I hope that I received that information with all the support and love that I feel for him. But, now I am wondering where to look to navigate this new territory. To guide him (he is young) and to guide my own actions. This isn't generally a normal Relief Society topic, is it?

    So, my question for the week is.... Are there specific resources that you would direct people to who find themselves on this life path? Are there specific things your family/friends did well and specific things that they did NOT do well? I'd like to not reinvent the wheel or do anything that would damage my son.

    Even if this doesn't make the FFAQ list... I would deeply and intensely appreciate a general point in the right direction from anyone who has BTDT.

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  16. Are you a BYU fan? If one of your girls wanted to attend BYU, would you support her in that?

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    1. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. LOL! One of my sons is currently attending BYU-Idaho, but that doesn't make me a fan of the Cougars. We live in a house divided, though. One daughter is currently an ASU distance-learning student, though she's also been a UW Husky and roots for both teams, One son graduated from USC, so we're Trojan fans. And yet another daughter graduated from WSU, so we're also WSU Cougar fans.

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  17. Are you a BYU fan? If one of your girls wanted to attend BYU, would you support her in that?

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  18. Okay, serious question. What do you think about this? http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/sexual-intelligence/201105/porn-addict-or-selfish-bastard-life-is-more-complicated
    Any truth to it?

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  19. This has been bothering me for years and no one has been able to give me a straight (pun totally intended) answer. So, here goes...how much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood??

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    1. Lol if this is the Tammy I know I just have to laugh even harder haha!!!! That was an awesome question!! :)

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  20. Ok my question... I'd the Mormon church was ok with living a gay lifestyle ( which I doubt that will ever happen) would you have lived it? What if the church ever came out saying they got revelation that gay marriage was ok.. Would you have reconsidered your decision to marry lolly? I probably can answer my own question as no you would not because a marriage and intimacy is more then just sexual attraction. But I wanna see what you say on this subject.

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