Monday, February 20, 2012

Why I Support Sugared Cereal

My girls have always been inordinately obsessed with Michael Jackson. I have no idea why. I think it started when I showed Anna Thriller at the tender age of three and then she asked to watch it pretty much daily for like a month. (Don't you love when people say they have no idea why something happened and then proceed to give a perfectly plausible reason why the thing happened? Yeah, I hate that too. I have no idea why. I think it's because it's STUPID. Yet, I do it all the time for some reason. I have no idea why. Seriously.)

Anyway, the following was a short exchange between my girls:

Viva: Mommy, can I have more cereal?

Wife: Sure, sweety, what kind do you want?

Viva: I want Michael Jacks.

Wife: You want what....?

Anna (interjecting): They're not called Michael Jacks, Viva. They're called Fruity Jacksons.

Wife: ...Do you mean Apple Jacks?

And the girls nodded in agreement. And then they enjoyed the fruity flavor of corn-based sugarfied cereal. Mmmm.

 Mmmm.. delicious Michal Jacks. Or is it Fruity Jacksons? I always get so confused.

(Photo attribution: Here)

Side-story: did you know that when I was a kid my parents were so poor (click here for a post about food and gangs from when I lived on the West Side) we weren't allowed to have sugared cereal, and the only time we ever got it was as a present on Christmas morning. There they would be, the boxes of sugared cereal, all lined up in a row beside our stockings. Imagine if you had the hankering for Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Apple Jacks in the same year (say, 1989, for example.)  

Disastrous. (No Mom, I have NO IDEA where the rest of Chris's Apple Jacks went...)

In closing, sugared cereal is good for kids because it reduces their need to steal from each other and teaches them about musical icons. So go give your kid a bowl of Cap'n Crunch. Stat.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

In defense of Molly

We live in quite a media-frenzied world.

Because of this, sometimes really hilarious and also semi-traumatizing, but also really hilarious, things happen to people who are your Facebook friends.

Let's talk about one of those things, shall we?

So, I'm not sure if you're aware, but there was something important that happened last Sunday other than church. There was a football game that a lot of people pay attention to. And in said game, there was a quarterback for the Patriots who threw a pass that was dropped in the last quarter. And the guy that dropped that pass was named Wes Welker. And then the Patriots lost. And there's been a lot of buzz.

There are those in this world who do not know these facts, which is totally understandable. It is, after all, a game. My friend, Molly, is one of those people. Or I should say, was one of those people.

Now, she knows.

This is Molly:
Look at all of those Butterfingers.
Molly walked out of her hotel in Boston on her way to Freedom Trail and noticed a pile of literally thousands of Butterfingers. Along-side the butterfingers was a sign. Thinking it was pretty funny, and with no idea who Wes Welker even is, she picked up the sign, had somebody snap a shot for her, and then went on with her day completely unaware of why there was a pile of butterfingers thanking some dude named Wes Welker. Seriously, if you saw a spectacle like that bereft of context, wouldn't you be tempted to take a picture of the sheer magnitude of it?

Turns out, whoever took the picture on her cell-phone for her wasn't the only person that got a shot of Molly standing by the butterfingers with that sign.

Later that day, she saw her picture appear in every sports news media outlet in the universe including NBCSports, USA TODAY, Yahoo! Sports and many, many others. 

And the thing that sucks is that Patriots fans WERE NOT NICE TO MOLLY.  


Well, I am here to defend Molly. I am here to say, leave Molly alone. She did what any self-respecting citizen with a cell phone who came across 8,000 Butterfingers would do. She snapped a photo. Nothing more than that. She picked up a sign, laughed to herself, and tried to freeze a memory of a strange circumstance. No Patsfan2008, she should not be curb-stomped for that. No EddieRamirez13, nobody should punch her smiling face for that.

Molly is a great person, everybody. We used to eat lunch together when I worked at a middle school teaching English and she worked with special ed. We were really close. Facebook friend close, even. Close enough that a couple of years later when we randomly ran into each other graduating from different Master's programs at the same University on the same day, we didn't even have to think too hard to remember each others' names. We're that close. So, I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm an expert in how awesome Molly is, and why people should leave her the freak alone.


So, spread the word. Molly is not affiliated with the Pawn Shop that sent the tactless jibe. She was the unwitting and totally innocent messenger. Go hate on someone else who is deserving of your ire. Like Hugo Chavez. Or Snooki.

What a moment for the internet and social media! To on one day have bajillions of people see a picture that makes an innocent tourist look like a person flipping the bird to every Patriot fan in existence, and the very next day have approximately 7 to 15 people read the actual story of what happened posted by a blogger who knew the innocent tourist five years ago and gleaned the story from her facebook statuses.

I think today was a red-letter day for technology, people.