Friday, January 25, 2013

FFAQ IV

Do you like that post title? It looks all technical, like I'm a scientist or something, right?. (Or like I got an IV of something called FFAQ). Really the IV means 4 because I'm about 73.4% sure this is the fourth FFAQ. (The IV is called a Roman Numeral. I know this because I'm a scientist.)

So, for those who are new 'round these parts,
FFAQ stands for Friday's Frequently Asked Question. It was something I started a while back. Here's how it works: if you have a question for me, you ask it in the comments. Then, if you see a question you like, you ditto that question by leaving a comment reply that says "ditto." The question with the most dittoes gets answered.

Here. Here's an example of how this works.

I will answer the chosen FFAQ question next Friday. Then the next friday will be the new poll. And so and so forth, ad infinitum. Seriously. Infinity. Never gonna stop this, y'all. You're in for a treat!

So, what have you always wanted to ask? Top query gets answered.

Also, happy Friday everyone. I hope you all, each and every one of you, has an incredible weekend filled with fun and joy and sleep and good food.

UPDATE: It's been 24 hours. Voting on this post is now closed.

77 comments:

  1. It is obvious that you get some negativity for being so open. How do you cope with the negative comments/emails and keep it from affecting you?

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    Replies
    1. Ditto! I think many of us could learn from Josh in this regard, myself included.

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  2. We all know you served a mission, but you've never really expounded on your experience living with a male companion 24/7. You once mentioned that you gained weight because you were so stressed about it. I'd just like to know a little more about your experience and where you stand when it comes to serving a mission and if it's a good choice for those with same sex attraction.

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  3. You and Lolly always seem so positive and loving, when you struggle in your relationship, is there a specific verse or prayer (or joke!) that helps you get back on track?

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  4. What I wanna know is, how have your clients reacted (or have they) to the publicity of your coming out such as the blog, Nightline, the ricki lake show etc? I doubt this will make it but I wanna know about it.

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  5. I would like to know what your response (and Lolly's too, for that matter) would be if, in the future, one of your daughters becomes engaged to a gay man. Would you discourage her at all? What would your advice be if she decides to go forward and marry him?

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  6. This is embarassing to ask, but when you and Holly are...intimate, does she ever worry you're thinking of someone else? As a hetero wife with a hetero husband I would totally worry all the time.

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  7. I am going to open a whole can of worms, but it’s okay since I don’t read the comments. This is something I have been wondering about for quite a while.
    Why is the gay community so afraid to find out what causes “gayness”? In light of what we know about the family being central to the plan of salvation, and thinking that God wouldn’t “make” anyone gay because of that doctrine, I would think they would want to find out if there is a cause. But they insist that it be considered “normal” and fight all suggestions that there might be a cause. I noticed that was a central point in a conference you attended in Utah a few months back.
    Just as an example, I have observed that there is a constant in all of the gay people that I know--they were all introduced to the idea of sex at a very young age. I just about fell off my chair when I read your posting about being introduced to sex in elementary school (I think it was at age six?). Even you fit my observation! Now there are many others who have that introduction who don’t become gay, but is there something in the makeup of some that does cause them to become gay? Just asking.
    Does a cause for “gayness” make them inferior? Absolutley not. So why not seek for a cause?

    (Josh, if you feel this is too controversial, you don’t have to post it.)

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    1. Josh, this kind of a comment you will post. (the one above)but not ones against racism. I don't understand that line of thinking, can you explain?

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    2. Moderation is off for dittioes for this post only. I you don't like a question, definitely choose not to ditto it!

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    3. While the question may not be worded well, it's a fair question. Perhaps something like, "it seems there is resistance to research regarding the biology/psychology behind sexual orientation. Research would ultimately be beneficial for everyone, gay and straight, in understanding the origins of their own makeup. Why do you think there is resistance?"

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    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    5. I can answer this one; it's actually pretty simple.

      First of all, many people who belong to sexual minorities (gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc.) are fine with researching and speculating on the causes of sexual orientation, myself included. I definitely don't think there is as much resistance as you believe (that's just my impression, of course).

      However, you have to keep in mind that the question of "cause" is seldom asked in an unbiased manner, out of scientific interest. (I'm referring to the general public, not the scientific community.) For example, it's a common assumption that homosexuality has a "cause," but heterosexuality just is - implying that everyone is naturally heterosexual and homosexuality is a choice or a defect. And some of those who are speculating on what causes homosexuality - ex-gay ministries, for instance - are speculating from the assumption that it is a bad thing, which is why they tend to think up unpleasant "causes" like molestation, broken families, etc.

      All this, of course, is hurtful to people who know that they are not defective. So, some minorities - who are tired of being smeared in this manner - just want to shut off this entire line of questioning so that there won't be any more ammunition for homophobes to use against them. (It's the same reason why so many have unfairly attacked and tried to discredit Josh - they see him not as an individual human being, but as another chess piece to be used against them by the anti-gay side.)

      To be clear, I strongly disagree - I believe no one, least of all marginalized people, should be afraid of the truth. But it's an understandable reaction when you know where it comes from.

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  8. I'm wondering if you, Josh, are an Eagle Scout.

    And how you feel about all that entails regarding their stance against homosexuals. Are you just super happy that you will never be "forced" to serve as a Scout Master?

    Also, how do you personally feel about the boy who was denied his earned Eagle Scout for admitting that he was gay?

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    1. He wasnt denied because he admitted he was gay. He told his scout master he was, and he supported him regardless and told him it wasnt a problem. It wasnt until he declared, in writing, which HE instigated, that he didnt believe in God that he got tossed. If you ask me, he was (or more so his mom) was looking to cause controversy and when the first issue of his being gay didnt really move his immediate leader, he came out as an atheist, which, given that scouts claim a "duty to god" above almost anything else... they had every right to. People need to read articles in their entirety.

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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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      Delete
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      Delete
  10. Word of Wisdom v Being uncertain one can perform sexually in an MOR.

    Talk about a rock & a hard place.

    Have sex (or attempt to) outside of marriage, or just wait for wedding night & pray?

    What's a person contemplating an MOR to do?

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    1. What's an MOR?

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    2. Mixed-orientation relationship.

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    3. 'jut wait for wedding night & pray" - how fun for the straight woman in the marriage. how fun and how fair to her.

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    4. Don't attack. It's a real question from a real person

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    5. is it fair to a straight woman to marry a gay man who is not sure that he will be sufficiently attracted to her on their wedding night?

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    6. I'm pretty sure whether it is fair wasn't their question. But if that's yours, submit it!

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    7. Word of Wisdom has nothing to do with sexual purity, so there is no real opposition in that question. Law of Chastity, maybe?

      One would hope that sexual performance isn't the only concern when entering into any relationship.

      I think Josh has already said that he wants to be obedient to God's laws, and that his obedience has brought him great blessings, one of which is a very close and mutually fulfilling relationship with his wife.

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    8. Totally agree ^ but I also think they are asking from an outside perspective, not what Josh did (that obviously worked amazingly well) but what he would counsel other people to do.

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    9. This is what giving up coffee does to me. EVERYTHING gets conflated with WOW stuff.
      Can't.... Have....

      Yup. Law of Chastity.

      Excuse ze brain.

      And YEP! totally a what are people in general to do when looking at dating /marrying a gay person. Male or female. Men's equipment might be more visable, but working female accoutrements are equally important. In my -not so humble- opinion.

      We've got the 'be open with people your dating' thing down.... But what about that oh-so-operant next step? Cross your fingers? Plan on waiting a year to get ones temple recommend back? Would the bishopric do special dispensation?

      Real person. Real question.

      What on EARTH is the Emily Post on doing a systems check? Or not?

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    10. i think a male virgin in his 20s who doesn't masturbate - it's going to work whether he is attracted or not. and after that, he can kind of train himself. Again, probably not as much fun for the straight wife but it is all she would know so, she makes do. probably better that she doesn't know different or there might be more disappointment.

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    11. @ Anon 5:04

      I dunno....

      I've had sex with a few gay (not bi) men during my wild years. Some could, some could with difficulty, some flat out couldn't.

      Now, some of that could have just been me being the totally wrong person for them... But I know many non-LDS gay men who've tried with a LOT of women... And just never been able to manage it. Again, there may be that one perfect person for them where it could all come together, but that's a LOT of pressure.

      I've also had girlfriends whose descriptions of sex with men they LOVED, and wanted to want, describe their sexual experiences as something awfully akin to rape. Not rape. They were trying to have sex... But there was no joy in it, and often pure revulsion.

      Conversely, being a TOTAL slut in years gone by... Believe me. I "knew better". For the gay men that WERE able to operate in adverse conditions... The "quality" was NOT subpar. In fact, the inverse. Being wanted THAT much, by an imaginative partner? Knock your socks off / womankind is missing out on you batting for the other team, WOW, big WOW amaaaazing sex.

      So from experience... If a gay man CAN be physically capable of having sex with a woman... No worries, mate. Crash Hot yowza. But not all men (or women) can connect with the opposite sex.

      In a religion where premarital sex isn't encouraged, but isn't stomped on? No worries. A little experimentation for the sake of future marital harmony. But in a religion where premarital sex runs the risk of severe condemnation? What are 2 people who love each other, but don't know if they can have a healthy sex life, to do?

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  11. Everything that I’ve read or heard from you and Lolly about your situation has been positive. Is it all rainbows and sunshine all the time? I know that you’ve made the best decision for you and your family, but aren’t there times when it’s hard?

    A parallel to my own life: I know that eating healthy is what’s right for me, but sometimes I just want ice cream, darn it. But I can occasionally indulge without hurting my loved ones and ruining my life.

    Do you face frustrations with your lifestyle, and if so, how do you deal with them?

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  12. Well, everyone else is asking all important and serious questions, but I just can't help wondering if you have a celebrity crush that even comes close to Lolly's on Lionel Richie? Not a very good question, but it has popped into my mind on several occasions since August... have a good night.

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    1. OK DITTO.
      He wrote soon after that he had/has a
      celebrity crush on.... some famous blogger girl I never heard of who follows him on Twitter.... but that was before the anniversary. I think he can admit honestly now. Really, I bet its.... Brad Pitt or something. Do tell, Josh. ;)

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    2. What IF its Dan Savage???

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    ReplyDelete
  14. Josh, your constant tolerance and acceptance of those living a homosexual lifestyle is certainly refreshing, but not exactly mirrored by your church. Yes, I know, I've looked at mormonsandgays, and I know that "all Children, whether gay or straight, are God's children", is strongly advocated by the church, but in essence, if a man lived with a man or woman with woman, it would be frowned upon by your church, and those people could risk the possibility of excommunication.

    My question is,
    If you support a person's decision to live "the homosexual lifestyle", how do you resolve those feelings with your Church's polar opposite policy toward it?

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    1. Because people in a community such as the mormon church decide to not be tolerant does not mean the church as a whole isn't tolerant. You even said in your post that "all children, whether gay or straight, are God's children". From my understanding that is what the church's policy is, nothing else. I don't think there are any feelings that need to be resolved. I think all people should support those living a homosexual lifestyle.

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    2. Just wanted to say... I like this Q.

      I have my own answer to it (being LDS & not straight... Both for myself and for "others", 2 totally different answers, by the by)....

      But I'd like to know how other people reconcile these things.

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  15. Does Lolly know people who are or have been concerned about her well being in this MOR? How does she feel about that concern? This is all probably hard on her, and I don't mean just this previous 6 months which must be very difficult too. A post a few months back alluded to that, stated she took a walk to have a powwow with Heavenly Father. This must be difficult enough even without inviting scrutiny of strangers in.

    Add me to a list of people who never met her but sometimes turns my thoughts to prayer for her and those sweet baby girls. And prayers for the strength of the father and priesthood holder in their home, Josh.

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    1. Like.

      I know voting is closed, but I Reeeally like this sentiment. So if not ditto, kudos. Because, ditto.

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