Monday, March 4, 2013

Food Poisoning UPDATED

*warning--this post talks about stuff that goes into toilets*

*also Lolly says I need to clarify that she approves of this post 100%*

Over the weekend Lolly got really bad food poisoning. But she's insane a tough cookie, so even though she was--how do I put this delicately?--bleeding into the toilet, she kept insisting that she was fine. And our doctor, whom she called, insisted the same.

Personally, I feel that when you're "lighting the toilet up with red" as the doctor described it, you have permission to claim you are on your death bed.

But not Lolly. Here was our conversation yesterday morning before church:


Josh: How are you feeling?

Lolly: Well, kinda dizzy actually. Not awesome.

Josh: Why are you getting ready for church??? Are we sure you shouldn’t be going in to the doctor?

Lolly: No, no… it’s not a big deal. I'm dizzy cuz I’ve lost a lot of blood. That’s just part of life.

Josh:  Or it’s part of death.

Lolly: Right. Which is also just part of life….

Josh: I'm taking you to the hospital.

Lolly: You're taking me to church. I will be fine.

Josh: Or dead.

Lolly: Or dead. Which counts for extra points at church.

Josh: You don't need extra points! You are already like angel status because you're married to me.

Lolly: You need to find your shoes so we can go.

Josh: *sings* If you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me, oooh eeee, baaaby please go to the hospital…

Lolly: All right girls, let's get in the car for church!

There was nothing I could do to deter her. Can somebody tell me how to talk sense into this girl?

Thankfully she really does seem to be just fine now. But I fear scenarios like this in the future. Like her getting her arm chopped off in a car accident and insisting we take Anna to her violin lesson before getting her appendage re-attached, or her wanting to grab a quick bite to eat before getting pesky medical attention to repair an axe wound to the neck. I'd be like "but you're bleeding" and she'd be like "yes that's just part of life" and I'd be like "you are literally going to die if we feed the kids right now!" and she'd be like "it's okay I have baby wipes for the blood all over the seat..."

One thing's for certain. I didn't marry a prissy girl. Which gives me plenty of space to be the prissy gay husband. *limp wristed wave*

UPDATE: This isn't really an update as much as me having forgotten to link to this post about when Lolly went to Disneyland even though she was literally throwing up in the bushes. Klassy. And determined. 

18 comments:

  1. If this were a Facebook status, I would have to totally LIKE this. (I think Lolly and I would be wonderful friends... we sound very alike.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hilarious! Thanks for posting this. Lolly is awesome, but you already knew that. It was cool having one of the funny posts again. Take care, and I hope that Lolly feels better.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow. I'd have at least taken the chance to skip church and send the husband with the kids while I stay in bed. I guess Lolly has a calling impossible to find a last minute sub for or something. If that makes me a prissy, I'll own that. Because its what I'd do, but good for you Lolly! You would have been a great pioneer lady. "This handcart does not stay still for a day while I'm.....(some terrible illness)! March on family!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't they have televisions on those wheely carts? Because those work pretty well when you can't find a sub. Or hangman. Just sayin'.

      Delete
    2. Oh I meant something like... sacrament meeting chorister. No hangman replacement for that one!

      Delete
  4. "Which gives me plenty of space to be the prissy gay husband. *limp wristed wave*" OMG I'm laughing so hard! Lolly is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Which gives me plenty of space to be the prissy gay husband. *limp wristed wave*" OMG I'm laughing so hard! Lolly is awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are totally insane!! And I can only say that there is nothing to do about stubbern people, it's just to let them go about their buisness, no matter how much we wish they would listen to reason... I know this from both "inside" and the sideline... Thanks for being such an inspiation, both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for awesome comedy to wake up to. No pressure in the future ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Haha! So funny! I have to say I'd be freaking out a little bit.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love you both so much!!! As genuine as you both are, I don't know how you, Josh, went so long in the "closet". Perhaps that would be a good question for - I can't even remember the name of it- Fridays. And I totally agree Josh! Blood in the toilet totally warrants a visit to the doctor if not a mortuary to let Lolly pick out a nice casket (since she is so unphased by death and all!). I really considered it one of the coolest days of my life when I , without any pre-planning, got to met and hug Lolly. She was so great coming into a conference room full of random guys (with me the lone female) to ask for a quarter so she could rescue herself from what could've been another very bloody fate. What an incredible woman! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. a) glad Lolly is feeling better.

    b) after Lolly's FFAQ response I really wanted to ask more about how she can manage with all of your ADD issues, but now I see that she is the Queen of Focus on Your Goals No Matter What, so I think this post sort of answers some questions in that department. Sheesh. I mean, thanks.

    I am NOT like Lolly - I wouldn't want to go to church in the first place, but I would want to stay in bed with a book. I'm also not like Josh - noooo doctors. What - you mean there even more types of nut-cases out in the world? Guess so.

    ReplyDelete
  11. she really was bleeding bright red when she she was going to the bathroom. Was it bleeding from going to the bathroom to much or bleeding just blood? I know personal right but as a medical person that scares me when you say she was going red. Hmmm if its B. then she needs to get checked out immediately.

    Funny post besides that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. As a nurse, I just have to say that gastrointestinal bleeds can get very serious very quickly. So I would recommend next time stiffening that wrist and telling her you are going to the doctor. I have seen many times when a spouse has saved the other person's life (usually it's the husband that won't go in.) Glad that things seem to have resolved on their own.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Josh, this kind of situation is no big deal. Really. Your wife is the voice of reason. She knows her threshold. She birthed three girls - she can handle a little food poisoning. Glad you have her.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dude, I'm a telephone advice nurse. Call me at times like this and I'll either validate her or talk some sense into her.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ok. Wait. I have never heard of bleeding your guts out from food poisoning? It sounds very frightening (although hilarious in the re-telling!) I would be on my couch, arm draped across my forehead to emphasize my suffering, while shouting "Slurpees and Redvines!"

    ReplyDelete
  16. Rude! Food poisoning is contagious and she should stay home. People don't need too be exposed because someone KNOWINGLY goes sick. Downright rude!

    ReplyDelete