Saturday, April 20, 2013

A comment that made Lolly cry. And not in a good way.

Well, we got a comment today that made Lolly cry.

That hasn't happened for a while. It used to happen last summer when people came to this blog and judged us for our life choice to get married, often calling us insulting things. People said horrible things about her and about us as parents, and about me. I was rarely bothered. The only time I was really bothered is when a comment would make Lolly cry.

It happened again today.

I may be a gay man, but before that I am a man married to a woman I love, and when someone makes that woman cry, my masculine instinct to protect her to comes out in full force. So, you'll forgive me for being blunt as I defend my wife.

Here is the comment which was posted on yesterday's post about our choice to participate in a Vh1 docu-series (and there seem to be more comments like this following, so I figure, let's nip this in the bud.) 

You doing this is way over the line... What will your girls think when they grow up :(. I'd be super embarrassed if I was a kid abd my parents were on a show like this. your daughters will be embarrassed someday, i myself an embarrassed for you both. Walking the gray is one step from denying. I am do sad to see you guys participating in a smut TV show. People have it right ... Was the money worth participating in smut?

Let me tell you, anonymous, why this comment is so upsetting:


1. Readers of The Weed should know by now that we, over the course of the last 10 months, have been invited by numerous producers and media spokespeople to participate in many programs. You also know, I hope, that we take each and every opportunity presented to us seriously, and make it a deep matter of prayer and fasting. Some we have chosen to do. Others we have turned down flat, without reservation, because we knew we weren't supposed to do it (though we often didn't know why). Why on earth would you assume we didn't do that in this case? 

2. As an extension of #1: We know, without question, that not only was it okay to go forward, but that we were supposed to go forward with this opportunity. You can certainly have your opinions about our life but I guarantee you have very limited information regarding our decision-making process and the spiritual guidance surrounding this particular event, as well as any other event you see us do. This is a blog to you, but to us it is our life. Be cautious as you judge and harshly criticize someone's life based on such limited information as a minute long clip and a very sparse blog post.

3. The sheer audacity of assuming we made this choice based on money is like a slap in the face. Not that it's any of your business, but we have turned down incredibly lucrative opportunities--far more lucrative than this one--without hesitation because we knew it wasn't right. You just accused Lolly Weed of potentially harming her daughters for money. As her husband, I strongly denounce your accusation. 

4. I would just like to point out something you might not have thought of. Now, I don't know the reasons why we felt like we should go forward with this thing; all I know is that we felt it. But I do know that this was a unique opportunity for us to share our love and our faith with an audience that might not normally get to see such a thing. That image of our family on a couch with our children in the clip? That's us having a Family Home Evening. On TV. I am not allowed to reveal spoilers, but rest assured that we lived our life as normally as we possibly could while being filmed. I can think of no better venue to share our faith in Christ and love of family than on a channel aimed at the youth demographic of our country like Vh1.

5. Say what you want of me--I've been ruthlessly bullied my entire life, so sadly I'm used to it by now--but I want to be clear that there will not come a day where our daughters will look back on the events of this year and be embarrassed of their mother. Their mother is a shining example of bravery and purity. She is one of the best people on this planet. Lolly Weed is golden. Her daughters will look on her actions over the last year with amazement at her bravery and gratitude for her willingness to do whatever the Lord asked of her, even when it was really, really hard. 

And this comment? Is part of what makes this stuff really really hard.

The bottom line is we just exposed ourselves, yet again, to harsh criticism because we feel prompted to be brave. I can't tell you how anxiety-provoking it is to know that our lives will be shown on TV in such an intimate way. It is excruciating. I'm sure when the show airs, we'll receive an onslaught of hateful rhetoric. Hopefully there will come a day when being courageous in this way is no longer required of us. Until that time, we need all the help--all the buoying up--we can get.

And on that note, we did just get another anonymous comment that touched us:

Josh, it bothers me that so many people are tearing you apart for your choice. Geez there have to be days where you feel like you really can't win no matter what you do. Live your life in light as you always do. I have no doubt that you didn't go on this show without thought and prayer. You can't please everyone. As long as you and Lolly and your family are happy and God is happy, it's all good. I am just amazed by all of the harshness. This is your life and yours alone. No one else can judge. We do such a disservice to others when we judge. It keeps up from loving.

I couldn't agree more. Thanks for your kind words.





137 comments:

  1. Lolly's awesome and so are you! Your daughters are the luckiest ever.
    Hugs to all of you.

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  2. I am continually inspired by you both. Especially Lolly. I read your post about your courtship and I was so touched! I knew then that I want to become a woman like Lolly. I am just a young woman right now, and even though I don't know Lolly in person, she is a great example to me. Sometimes I think about her and what an amazing and serving person she is. What really sticks out in my mind is how much she reached out to others in high school and was an incredible example to everyone. Please thank her! She doesn't know it, but she has impacted my life for so much good!

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  3. You are obviously doing so many things right--look at how amazing your and your family are!
    Keep on doing what you feel you should be doing and I'll keep watching and admiring your bravery.
    And I will continue to be grateful to both of you for saying what you did in your unicorn post so perfectly timed for when THIS mother would need it.

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  4. Well said. You both are amazing individuals and don't let the naysayers get you down!

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  5. Josh and Lolly, I gotta say I love you guys for your bravery I admire your courage and strength and because of it your daughters will be strong like you both are. Chin up there will always be people out there who think their opinion matters, the only time it does is if you let it. Tough enough :)

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  6. EXACTLY. When I first heard about you guys being on the show, no doubt I was skeptical - as I bet you are too. But that's precisely what let me know that agreeing to be a part of this show was something that you guys would NOT take lightly, and something that I'm sure you thought and prayed about deeply.

    Weeds, this was such a strong and touching post, I was so glad to find it waiting here to be read after the harshness in the comment section of the previous post.

    And Josh Weed, defending Lolly like that was one of the most real and touching things I've ever read from you.

    Lots of love and SUPPORT.

    Like Dr. Seuss said, "The ones that matter won't mind, and the ones that mind don't matter"

    <3

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  7. I love your blog. Love your strength. Love your message. Don't let foolish blind hateful people stop you. Thank you for all you do.

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  8. Dear Josh and Lolly, You are both golden; pure hearted, virtuous, and praise worthy. If only this world were filled with gentle, charitable folks like you, there would be no worries. I can only imagine your influence for good in this corrupted world. Thanks for standing with steadfast courage and conviction. And Josh, it does my heart good to see how you cherish and defend your beloved wife and family. You are a fine noble man. God bless you all.

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  9. "...this was a unique opportunity for us to share our love and our faith with an audience that might not normally get to see such a thing."

    Bingo. ;)

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  10. I will admit I was initially hesitant that you decided to go on the show, but I know that you were doing it because you have felt it to be right. I, like you, have felt that being gay is a gift, and I have felt that I should share what I have learned from it with many people. I know what it is like to feel you need to do something and have others who are not as supportive as you would like. I created a blog and have shared my whole story on it. I had several close family members who told me I shouldn't put my name on it, but I did. I felt it was the right thing to do, and I don't know why. I may never know why, but I do applaud your courage to do this. You are very blessed and have a very strong and supportive family, and I will stand with you in defending your wife. She is definitely a chosen daughter of God and has serious strength and courage for supporting you. Lolly, you are awesome, and my wish is that some day I can find a wife who will be even half as supportive and caring as you have been to Josh. I love you both, and know that I and many others fully support you in your decisions. Even though your decisions are really none of our concern, I appreciate you sharing your faith and testimony with us.

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    1. Proud of y'all. And yes. Nice rack josh:)

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  11. I am way way proud of you guys. I consider this to be a missionary opportunity for you. Vh1 is a very widespread channel, and people will see you, whose only contact with the lds faith have been through the media's hay-day over Romney for Prez. I don't know if I would have had the courage to be on tv like that. You are fintastic. Keep making waves!
    Happy tails to you all!

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  12. I got chills up when I read this, especially at the part where you stated how pure and brave Lolly is. I felt a confirmation as I read it that it was true. God bless you for your devotion to God. I'll be thinking and praying for you.

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  13. Go get 'em, Josh! Hats off to you.

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  14. I am working to become a counselor. I read this blog as a fellow member of the LDS faith and someone who is searching for understanding into the lives of others. I am fascinated by your story and have been enlightened many times. It gives me new perspective as I try to form difficult opinions and call into questions biases I have had. I am amazed at the faith and strength of you and your wife in making choices that would not be obvious to the world. I don't often watch VH1 but I will be watching for your show. I see you as an amazing ambassador to the world about choice. I think that is one thing the world forgets is that most things come down to a choice. A choice made prayerfully cannot be wrong in the eternal perspective. Thank you for adding to my knowledge and perspective.

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  15. I just want to throw out there how much I admire the Weeds courage. Some people don't realize just how hard it is to be gay and Mormon. For anyone reading this who is tempted to criticize the Weeds or anyone else in the gay Mormon community, let me just say that you have no idea what the life of a gay Mormon is like. I won't say it's miserable, because there is a lot of joy. But there is a lot of heartache too. Speaking for myself, I feel very torn between two things I feel very strongly about. I love my faith with all my heart, and that has ALWAYS been the number one motivator in all I do. But I also have natural feelings that are also a very big part of who I am. Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to reconcile the two, but if I let go of either one I cease to be me.

    I am so grateful for people like the Weeds who have the courage to speak out and tell their story in spite of the ignorant and hateful people who make light of their life and criticize. I don't have that courage. I'm just trying to take care of myself for now. Please be kind. You may think you are putting out some kind of positive message, but you are really just causing pain unnecessarily. It hurts me too to see the Weeds criticized, because their story has benefited me and given me hope. I don't think my story will turn out like theirs has, but they have given me hope that the future can be bright. Why would anyone want to diminish that?

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  16. Lolly, You are a true inspiration to mothers all around. I can not imagine the hardship you bare as a parent and a wife. Thank you to both of you for sharing your lives with all of us. We can all take a moment and judge a little less in hopes of a brighter future for our children.

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  17. When elephants walk through town, all the little dogs bark.

    I love that saying. No, I did not just call you elephants, LOL! What I mean is anytime someone tries to do something new, or different, especially if it is something that requires courage...there will be cruel little dogs barking. I don't know why, but it is true.

    Brene Brown talks about how criticism of parenting is a huge shame trigger for most moms (and shame is very painful...I know this first hand). But she also says that talking about it helps, so good job.

    When the pain eases a bit, I hope you will remember that there are a lot more real life people (who are not afraid to use our names) that love you both and think you are wonderful parents, than the cruel little barking dogs.

    Now, I have to ask, whose opinion are you going to trust, mine (cheesy grin) or some stranger on the internet that doesn't even have the courage to use their name.

    I think you are both awesome, and awesome parents....my word is final. :)

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    1. I have never heard that saying, but I now believe it is my new favorite!

      Kate @ BJJ, Law, and Living

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  18. I absolutely adore you guys and feel so privileged to have one of your daughters in my class at church. It saddens me to think people can be so cruel and quick to judge others when, in fact, they should only be looking inward and judging themselves. Lolly is such a good mom and only has her daughters' best interest at heart. I agree with Gemma - they are the luckiest girls to have such awesome parents!

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  19. I almost couldn't read your post because of how protective of you guys I am- I can't imagine how hard it is, considering I'm not even related to you!

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  20. It certainly is a controversial show but I think you are very brave to appear on it. I believe that for regular viewers being able to see what a happy, God-approved family looks like next to those that are making choices not in keeping with God's principles will be eye-opening and will be a beautiful message for those that want the peace and true joy and happiness you and Lolly most obviously have with one another. Stepping into the public eye as you have done has required tremendous bravery and the journey is only beginning. I admire your courage and tenacity to show the world what true commitment to the Gospel of Jesus Christ looks like! (((Lolly))) hang in there girl. Keep making your decisions with faith and trust in the Lord and you guys won't go wrong. Kick those negative nellies to the curb and don't let them mess with your head!

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    1. James, I know that you're trying to be helpful, but I think that you're way out of line and incorrect too. The fact that you've never finished an entry tells me (and everyone else) all that I (we) need to know right off the bat and I think that your comment should be rightly dismissed because of that. However, I couldn't let your comment go by without pointing a couple of things out.

      First, it sounds like you completely either missed or ignored where Josh and Lolly several times have said that, in everything that they have done, they are seeking the guidance of the Lord. That guidance will be unique to them and their situation and that's really all you or I need to know or care about. I believe Josh and Lolly are sincere when they say this. Since you spoke of the Sadducees, that reminded me of what Gamaliel said in Acts. I would advise you likewise. If Josh and Lolly are wrong, it will come to naught. However, if they're right and it is of God (which they and I believe it is), you'll be found fighting against God - not the position I'd like to find myself in.

      Ironically, it also bears pointing out that you yourself are acting like the Pharisees and Sadducees. Jesus did set a great example for us of always praising God and being humble. Remember also that Jesus dined and ate with the "publicans and sinners", too. He goes to His lost sheep. He also got a lot of crap for this from self-righteous people who thought that he shouldn't be associating with such unsavory people. It sounds like you'd be one of those people giving Jesus crap, rather than reaching out to the lost sheep. Remember, he was called to minister to the sick because those that are whole don't need a doctor. Watch yourself because you're on very shaky ground here.

      Regarding your opinion of what they're seeking, who the heck are you to say what they're seeking? How on earth do you know their hearts well enough to know whether or not they've lost their center? You seriously need to tend your own garden on this one, dude. I don't receive revelation for Josh and Lolly (or for you, for that matter), but I can tell you, for myself, that I have felt the Spirit testifying many times that what Josh is writing is truth. That's all I need to know. If you don't get that, fine. But you can't presume to know what is in their hearts.

      Josh and Lolly: continue on doing what you're doing. As long as you're seeking the guidance of the Spirit, the Lord will be your rock and you'll be taken care of. Your loyal Weeders will support you, too. The show on VH-1 isn't quite my style so I think I'll take a pass on watching it, but if you say that the Lord told you to do it, I'll back you up because that's all I need to know. Please know that there are so many people that support you. You guys are really great examples of how to love and be understanding. There have been several times where your posts have inspired me to be a better husband and follower of Christ. Big hugs for you from me and lots of other people.

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    2. Did you know that gay LDSaints are among the highest suicide rates in homosexuals? It's true. Perhaps he hasn't been impressed to do these shows for fame, but rather to show others that are young and struggling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. A way to follow this gospel and be happy. Sharing his story had probably saved lives and souls.

      I, for one, am really glad he has shared his story. I find it lovingly, encouraging, and hopeful.

      Sincerely,
      A sister, mother, and fellow human being.

      *And as a quick post script, I think if all men spoke about their wives with the respect and reverence Josh does with Lolly, the world would be a completely different place.

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    3. Hmm. I wonder if you thought Pres. Hinckley had lost his center when he chose to appear on 60 Minutes?

      Josh and Lolly, just want you to know that most of your readers believe that when you look in the mirror, what you see are two people who, to quote the poster above, "Seek the spirit. Honor the sacred covenants you have entered into." And that you are finding the peace and joy you seek. I have no idea why the poster above thinks otherwise.

      Josh, thanks for your beautiful defense of Lolly.

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    4. @ James-

      Reading your comment I am absolutely flabbergasted at the arrogance with which you are declaring judgement on people for who you have no apparent stewardship whatsoever.

      You might be using 'gospel language' in your condemnation of Josh and Lolly Weed but that does not cover up the fact that this diatribe from you is in direct opposition to Christian doctrine. You claim that it would be pointless to quote scripture but I disagree. As a matter of fact the scriptures that I'd start with are in the Sermon on the Mount, particularly those regarding motes, beams and what Jesus Christ thinks of us judging each other.

      Also if you are by chance LDS I would recommend that you take another look at http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

      @ Josh and Lolly-
      In D & C 50:21-24 it talks about teaching and learning by the spirit of truth. It talks about how when truth is shared that the teacher and the hearer are both edified together. It also says that things that do not edify are of darkness.

      I've never felt anything but edified when you share your perspectives here. You've opened my eyes (and obviously many others) about a topic that we all need to understand much better. You talk about loving and not judging, and about helping people learn to better understand other peoples' perspectives so that we can learn to treat them with love like the Savior does. The spirit of truth has frequently been present as you share this message that you've been inspired to share.

      Clearly people from many walks of life have experienced this same edification as such a broad array of people have requested that you share your story. This broad array includes many gospel oriented groups. Just because there are some who choose to disregard Christ's warning against judging others does not mean that you actions are out of place. As a matter of fact it might mean that you are being increasingly effective in what you are being called to do. Even prophets have been persecuted for teaching the truth, you are in great company.

      Keep it up, and I am personally really looking forward to your perspective on the BSA issue.

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    5. I am definitely not a fighter but I couldn't ignore this post. My dear friend, how are you to know what spiritual prompting The Weeds have received?

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    6. Dear Brother, Did you read the Weed's full post? They have peace in having fasted and prayed. They have not said anything about how income will be used. As far as you or I know, they may donate every penny to the mission or humanitarian fund. They wouldn't post such information, I suspect. I do not get the impression that they were eager to be part of this program, but evidently feel inspired to share their story with this audience. You judge that Josh and Lolly have lost their center. Their center is God. I have no doubt of God's love for them or His inspiration in their lives. That same God is the Father of children who will be watching this program. How can you make such a sanctimonious judgment?

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    7. @BMcC - you are right about the suicide rate. But telling gay Mormon boys that they either have to be celibate or marry a woman won't bring down that rate. Time will tell of course.

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    8. The prophet didn't appear on a reality show lol that's the difference. 60 minutes is a little different then a reality show on different sexual perversions!!

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    9. I rarely get involved in all of the negative drama and commenting on any blog I read. It really isn't my personality. But this is one where I feel it is unavoidable. Lolly is one of my closest friends and may be one of the purest souls I have ever met. She is truly selfless and her heart is devoted to her husband and her children. Her daughters are beautiful amazing girls (like their mother) and will praise her one day for how truly centered she has always been. You could not be farther from the truth (or Christ) in your comments.

      If there is a couple on earth that can "look in the mirror, and honor their sacred covenants" it is Josh and Lolly. They are not in search of peace- they are being blessed with it daily for trusting in the Lord. They are filled with joy because of the people they are and the people they are helping.

      I am sorry that you have "not felt the Spirit when reading their blog" but I have found that a lack of feeling the Spirit is usually dependent on the individual themselves. It is not Josh's job to make you feel the Spirit. And it is very difficult to feel the Spirit of God when you are judging one of his children. (Especially one as treasured as Lolly must be.)

      I heard a youth once say that "Gossip is like a bee sting. It may sting the other person and hurt for a moment, but it kills the bee." I know this isn't gossip, but judgement and criticism will only sting Josh and Lolly- but it is a poisonous venom to those that release it.

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    10. I rarely get involved in all of the negative drama and commenting on any blog I read. It really isn't my personality. But this is one where I feel it is unavoidable. Lolly is one of my closest friends and may be one of the purest souls I have ever met. She is truly selfless and her heart is devoted to her husband and her children. Her daughters are beautiful amazing girls (like their mother) and will praise her one day for how truly centered she has always been. You could not be farther from the truth (or Christ) in your comments.

      If there is a couple on earth that can "look in the mirror, and honor their sacred covenants" it is Josh and Lolly. They are not in search of peace- they are being blessed with it daily for trusting in the Lord. They are filled with joy because of the people they are and the people they are helping.

      I am sorry that you have "not felt the Spirit when reading their blog" but I have found that a lack of feeling the Spirit is usually dependent on the individual themselves. It is not Josh's job to make you feel the Spirit. And it is very difficult to feel the Spirit of God when you are judging one of his children. (Especially one as treasured as Lolly must be.)

      I heard a youth once say that "Gossip is like a bee sting. It may sting the other person and hurt for a moment, but it kills the bee." I know this isn't gossip, but judgement and criticism will only sting Josh and Lolly- but it is a poisonous venom to those that release it.

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    11. @Anon 8:02: I find it frustrating that you and so many others assume that Josh believes in celibacy or heterosexual marriage for all homosexual individuals. You are judging him based on what you think are his religious views, when he has never said anything on the matter.

      I understand your concern about the message that Josh and Lolly's marriage might send to young gay kids. You feel that Josh and Lolly's story might do more harm in convincing others that theirs is the only satisfactory way of life. But from everything Josh has said on this matter, this is not at all the message he is promoting.

      Josh and Lolly's voices are crucial because they offer the perspective of individuals who a) are active members of the LDS Church, b) personally understand homosexuality, and c) are willing to speak about what they know. Sadly, although this combination of characteristics may seem simplistic, it is very much lacking among the LDS community. Their voices are essential because they can actually bring their personal experiences and understanding to the table. Josh is also evidence to members (who, unfortunately, do not all understand the following principle), that homosexuality is NOT simply a lifestyle choice, but a lifelong characteristic. To me, their marriage is a celebration of all choices that may be considered "alternative lifestyles."

      (Josh, I realize I may be putting words in your mouth, so feel free to put me in my place if needed!)

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    12. @ Anonymous 8:02: Oh, believe me, I think the church has a looong way to go before I am satisfied with the options for gay Mormons. However, I think that merely having a happy gay man as a public example is a step in the right direction.

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  22. For people who do not want judgement, this post is full of unchristlike judgement. You targeted an individual poster which tells me your heart is not in the right frame of mind. Please take moments to center yourself and hopefully you will see what's really happening here. The Lord doesn't use trials and tribulations and put then on a reality show. It's just not how he works. Anyways good luck.

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    1. Anonymous--why not use your name? Are you ashamed of your comment? Perhaps you are afraid to be judged as Josh and Lolly are by people like you?

      Who are you to say what the Lord will or will not do. I'll trust Josh and Lolly on that one....or anyone that is at least willing to share their real name. Look through the scriputes, there are plenty of examples of the Lord asking people to do unexpected things....Abraham is a great example.

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    2. I respectfully disagree with this comment. I feel that the Lord uses trials and tribulations to help us become better as people, and in turn we have the opportunity to share our experiences to better the lives of others. I think that saying "The Lord doesn't use trials and tribulations and put them on a reality show. It's just not how he works" is a bit naive. Who are we to question how the Lord works? I think that the opportunity Josh and Lolly have been given to potentially touch the lives of many people on a wide scale is awesome. If even one person is touched by their story, or comes even a little closer to Christ as a result, then it was a success.

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    3. The fact that you claim to know exactly how the Lord works shows just how naive you are, ANONYMOUS.

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  23. YEAHHHHHHH! (sorry. That's just what I thought while I was reading this.) You're awesome, so just keep being awesome.

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  24. I must admit, I questioned why you would choose to participate in a show that also was espousing some pretty off-putting choices. But, after I stepped back, I decided 3 things.
    1- What I know & feel from reading your blog is that you would never put your family in a situation that you hadn't prayerfully determined was right for them at the time.
    2- Your wife does not come across as the sort of woman who would let you put your family in a bad situation, even if you did have a lapse & miss it on your own.
    Finally (and probably most importantly)
    3- I am not the one living in your life. I can not know precisely what went into the choices you made, because I have not had to make them. I can choose whether or not to watch the show, but that is where my "business" ends. I am not you, your wife, or the Lord... and those are the only 3 votes that really get to make the call.
    Be brave, be prayerful, be strong, & keep being good to your family. :)

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  25. I don't know you personally, but I trust each individual to make decisions that they feel are right for them and their family. I wouldn't at all feel like I would have a right to judge your decision to do this show and I do not agree with those that do!

    But, can we use this experience and the emotional toll it took out on your family as an educational opportunity.

    You have just so eloquently described every gay persons hurt at all of the hateful things said about them. It really hits home when it happens to you and your family. I hope you, and the people who have read this and really feel for Lolly, extend that same compassion, understanding, feelings of needing to defend, etc to other people who are gay and make the choices that they feel are right for them. Support them as you would support the Weeds.

    Hate is hate. Judgement is judgement. Hurt is hurt. Let's stop doing that to each other.

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  26. Once again when I click and read your blog, I am instantly tearfully and deeply inspired by your views of commitment in marriage. To counter 1 negative thought, there must be 1000 that say, "We love what careful and thoughtful approach you're taking. And thank you for putting your lives out there as awesome examples."

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  27. Josh and lolly,
    I have been a silent follower of your blog since your club unicorn post. i've never commented before, but I feel like I really need to tell you both how amazing you are. I admire your loving relationship and your unwavering faith. I'm sorry that there are people who judge and criticize you. Just know your story has taught and inspired me, As a mormon, a wife, a mother, and as a human being. You are both so great! And lolly you are a saint and I think you are a great mom. Thanks for sharing your story and your life with the world.

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  28. When I heard you were doing a show on Vh1, I was a little surprised. I don't know much about the channel, of course, I just recall it being not my cup of tea. Reading your reasoning behind it (at least, the logic behind the feeling), I was really touched that you were willing to put your sweet family on television to help the viewers to see an example of a happy family. I have no doubt your daughters will be so proud to have you two as parents.

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  29. Hi Weed family. I always go back and forth on whether or not I should leave a comment... I usually just figure that it will get lost in the shuffle of all the comments so I don't bother. But this post shows me how affected you are by the comments on your blog. I am so grateful for your family's decision to share such intimate details of your marriage and life with the world. I think you are both incredibly brave and stunning examples of what it means to follow the Lord. While your situation may be unique, I think your story has profound meaning to anyone who encounters it. Thank you for doing what you do and for letting us have a peek at it.

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  30. Just THANK YOU to you both for all of the hard decisions you have had to make and accepting the negative consequences that have followed. Hopefully, the good consequences are far more important than any of the bad for your sweet family. Count me as one mother who is eternally grateful to you both for giving my comfort, peace, and hope for my son's future.

    I have reached total acceptance of any outcome. I watched my 7 year old at his birthday party. He invited girls and boys to his party. Only one boy came. His parents thanked me for inviting him. It was obvious that the boy might have a hard time fitting in just like my son. But the girls adore my son and when he exclaimed "I love girl toys" one of them said "I should have brought you a Barbie." The football was returned that night to buy Pet Shops, lol. But I was ready for that party because of YOU BOTH. Much Love from our family.

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    1. That's very sweet! Girl toys are better, anyway. ;)

      Delete
    2. I feel like I should also mention that my brother didn't have very many guy friends as a kid, but he simply grew out of that. I think in his case it was also due to the fact that he was always a very sensitive, shy child.
      Again, all I'm saying is that we shouldn't jump to conclusions, because sometimes kids are more complex than the brackets of society :) But, again, if he is gay or 'SSA', then that's fine too, obviously.

      Delete
  31. You guys are both amazing. Sorry some people are so judgmental.

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  32. I love that someone called you "ambassadors!" I see you two in the same light. I am so sorry you have to deal with these wretched hurtful comments. "Like the Sadducees????" C'mon! I have never, NEVER seen a couple more committed to each other, their children, and to the Lord. You are both huge examples to me! I am always touched by your testimonies and willingness to go forth and share. I admire you! I support you! I wish you much happiness and success!!

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  33. I love that someone called you "ambassadors!" I see you two in the same light. I am so sorry you have to deal with these wretched hurtful comments. "Like the Sadducees????" C'mon! I have never, NEVER seen a couple more committed to each other, their children, and to the Lord. You are both huge examples to me! I am always touched by your testimonies and willingness to go forth and share. I admire you! I support you! I wish you much happiness and success!!

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  34. Josh,

    I have never commented and I will not comment again, but I woke this morning thinking of you and the path you have taken. You claim you are being mistakenly and unfairly judged, but perhaps you should substitute the word "observation". As in, "By their fruits ye shall know them", observations. You strike out, but at whom or what are seeking vengeance against?

    Is it against the still small voice which is piercing the tender heart of your wife? You seek retribution, but are these the actions of a disciple of Christ?

    You started by "coming out of the closet" publicly, but in doing so, you have exchanged eternal rewards for the rewards of man. You have trashed that which I hold sacred and paraded your struggle seeking attention and fame. You have your reward and now you cry unfair?

    This is not the Gospel of our Lord. The Savior set the perfect example and often we are warned. "to cast not our pearls before swine". You do so flippantly and whine when you do not like the reward?

    The Savior did not seek fame and fortune. He sought to give all the glory to the Father. Whom are you worshipping? Do you know where the line between black and white is anymore?

    You have lost your center. Your posts are increasingly devoid of the spirit. You need to look in the mirror. The person you should be angry with today is yourself. You are the one who traded the sanctity of your marriage and motherhood for fame and money, not those who disagree with you on your blog.

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    Replies
    1. Josh, could I make a suggestion?...don't allow anonymous comments. Make people "own" their stuff. I think that would help a lot.

      Delete
    2. That is quite clearly another comment by James Vastbinder. Lines almost copy/pasted from his first comment above, not to mention the same formatting of comment, and similar phrases.
      'Lolly's tender heart'? Do you realize how creepy you sound? Really? Why don't you leave that to Josh, alright?

      Delete
    3. I've been saying that about anonymous comments for a long time.

      Anonymous, you're a tool. You have no right to judge Josh and Lolly's motives. Not only that, but you likely don't know enough about the situation to judge.

      You can live your life however you want, but this is not about YOU or YOUR faith or YOUR spirituality. Don't pretend that it is.

      Delete
    4. Anon @ 2:49, how fortunate Josh and Lolly are that, having secured your own perfection, you are now helping them secure theirs too. Such a generous heart...

      Delete
    5. Wow. People have gone savage on this blog.

      Delete
    6. @ Anon 2:49pm
      First of all I'm concerned by the violent rhetoric you are spewing ... I read nothing in Josh's post about 'striking out' 'vengeance' or 'retribution'. I see someone that is explaining his decisions, obviously somewhat upset by the pain associated by watching someone dear to him hurting. He made absolutely no indication that he is on the attack against anyone.

      You further denigrate Josh and Lolly while you ironically are simultaneously violating strong counsel from the Savior about judging others and how He reserves all judgement to Himself alone.

      I think that the linchpin though, is in your statement that Josh has "trashed that which [you] hold sacred". I do believe that you do hold something sacred that you feel is violated but I'm not sure that I understand exactly what you are referring to. In context of Josh's blog it sounds like what you hold sacred has something to do with your viewpoint on those who experience same sex attraction. I may be wrong on exactly what you are referring to though.

      Out of curiosity what is your opinion of the LDS church sponsered website mormonsandgays.org? The message that I've heard Josh express time and again is the same message projected by the apostles there. Are you feeling like that website message has "trashed that which [you] hold sacred" as well? If it has perhaps you should reevaluate your position.

      Delete
    7. Dear Anonymous....Vengeance and retribution were not any part of Josh's post. He acts as a disciple of Jesus Christ in His efforts to protect his beloved wife from the "observations" of hurtful and unkind folks. The Weeds do not seek fame or fortune, but simply hope to be instrumental in opening minds and hearts of those who have limited understanding. Neither you nor I are aware of what the Weeds do with income from their willingness to share tender and sacred experiences. Could be they donate it all to charity. You claim they have "exchanged eternal rewards"???!!!! Now you seem to claim knowledge, or is it judgment of something that is only God's. Your's is not righteous judgment.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous (aka James Vastbinder), what makes you think they are doing this for worldly gain rather than, as they have said, for spiritual blessings because they are doing what the Lord has told them to do? For someone who tells lies themselves ("I have never commented and I will not comment again"...seriously? James, you're really terrible at hiding who you are), you're sure quick to call these people liars. I feel the spirit every time I visit this blog. Perhaps you would too, if you would let go of the judgement and open your heart. Perhaps this show will be seen by others who are struggling with one thing or another, and they will feel the spirit when they watch the Weed family and decide to learn more about the LDS church as a result. Or perhaps it will give hope to some other gay LDS person. The possibilities are endless; all we really need to know is that Josh and Lolly fasted and prayed about this, and the Lord told them to go forward with this show. The rest is none of your business.

      Delete
    9. I agree that maybe replying as "anonymous" is cowardly especially when you are attacking someone that has gone out on a limb for things they truly believe are right. I apologize because I too am posting this way. The reason I am is because some of the secrets I hold onto are not my own to share and I have no right letting people know who I am. I phrase my first sentence the way I did because even though I agree with Josh and Lolly and will forever admire their courage they are allowed to have their own opinions and agree or not our job is to be loving and supportive as they do the best they can NOT condemn them! Get a life people! If you don't like what they have to say then just stop reading. For me they have given me hope as I struggle with so many overwhelming things and am unable to find anyone that I can truly confide in. They are doing a great service to many many people. Just because it's not you doesn't mean it's not happening.

      Delete
  35. You guys are both amazing. Sorry some people are so judgmental.

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  36. Today in church we talked about things that hit close to home for me. I have been berated for being myself, living my life the way that I do as a member of Christ church. Today we talked about how God knows whats in our heart. He knows how good and amazing Lolly is, and thats what matters. I have shed many tears over the past few weeks and my heart has hurt because of things others have said to me. As for the show, People need to see the life you lead, they need to know how amazing you both are and how much better off your family is because of that. I think what yall are doing is brave and admirable. People back away from the unknown because it scares them, because they care more about what the world thinks and less about what the Lord thinks. You both are pushing forward, despite adversity because you know in your heart what is right. Thats what matters. So shame on anyone who questions that or thinks otherwise. No one will know what is in your heart except you and the Lord and so no else ever has any place to say such judgemental things. I applaud you both for you steadfastness and faithful, the road ahead may be filled with nasty people but know that there are people out here cheering you on and finding strength in you both. The Lord knows you, and thats all that matters.

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  37. You are a very brave family!! Thank you for doing this. You may be saving countless other families out there!!. My prayers are with you all.. Love you!

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  38. What wonderful outpouring of support you are receiving. I wonder how many of these people who support you now (because they think you are living a righteous life) would be just as supportive if you were married to a man and making the exact same life decisions.

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    Replies
    1. Good question, Peter. Thank you for raising it.

      Delete
    2. I would because no matter the choices you make in your own life they are yours, no one else's. So who are you to judge it? I just don't think it I know it because I have a friend who is also a gay member of our faith (LDS) who does not share the same opinions as Josh and Lolly. She has reasons behind it as well. So how do you even think that this is a fair question?

      Delete
  39. Lolly and Josh, it is challenging to be leaders. While I have not had the same experiences as you are having in your current leadership role (and that IS what you are doing), I can empathize with the insane amount of backlash you get when, as a leader or pioneer, you are paving a way for others who WILL follow your example as they seek to grow closer to the Savior.

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  40. Josh & Lolly,

    As ones who likewise feel prompted to share our story of love and faith, Alison and I stand in solidarity with you. At times we feel great anxiety about being so public, but peace wins out because we know the cause we are engaged - that of educating the public, softening hearts, bearing witness, and providing hope - is worth it.

    God bless you both!

    Steve & Alison

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  41. Josh - I don't think in any way that you are seeking fame and fortune. I 100 per cent believe that you came to your decision to do the show in a very humble way.
    If I could get the show here in my non-American country, I would watch it (it is even blocked on the internet here, sigh). I think there was mention of So I married a quadriplegic and I admit I am interested in that one as well.
    At my (non-Mormon) church today we were just talking about how to do church more relevantly - heck, some churches even meet in a pub type thing. In other words, go to the people- so I see what you are getting at by reaching a youth audience through VH1. Makes sense. My question remains are you being completely honest in explaining how in your faith, God is against gay relationships. That remains to be seen whether that gets mentioned in any depth.
    But my main point is if you are going to do shows like this and write a memoir, etc, you are going to get a whole lot of reaction - some great and supportive, some so-so, some wacky and weird and vaguely disturbing, some completely against you and mean and some asking questions. The old expression about getting out of the kitchen if you can't stand the heat seems apt here. It is not a judgement or a bad thing - but if you are choosing to reveal your story in the venues you have chosen, you are going to get some comments and reactions that are going to be upsetting. You can of course control what comments appear on your blog and which don't. And you can avoid googling yourself because while there will be many laudatory comments, blogs, etc, about you, there will be some that will be quite unkind. If you aren't able to accept that (and goodness knows I wouldn't be) maybe you shouldn't be doing these kinds of things? Just an idea, just a thought.
    From what I've observed, there seems to be a commonality in Mormonism that Mormons are quick to feel persecuted so that might be at play here as well.
    My issue has not ever been with what shows you choose to do or what books you choose to write but rather that the crux of the message is clearly revealed - God does not sanction gay relationships. Otherwise, it is glossed over in a way to give the appearance of something it is not and something Mormonism is not.
    Finally, all things gay sell these days - and as painful as it may be to realize, in many ways you are a commodity that producer, agents, book publishers, etc. can use in order to profit. I think that is why your story is so enticing to those folks - a gay guy living a straight life? That is money in the bank. Now you can use that to your advantage in terms of reaching the people you want to reach but realize that with it comes some pretty nasty backlash.

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    Replies
    1. I mostly agree with you on expecting a range of reactions, but that goes both ways: Josh is entitled to put his story out there, people are entitled to react negatively (if warranted); Josh is entitled to react negatively to their negativity (if warranted).

      From what I've observed, there seems to be a commonality in Mormonism that Mormons are quick to feel persecuted so that might be at play here as well.

      Sorry, I had to laugh at this. Trust me, religious and other minorities tend to develop pretty thick skins from dealing with prejudice and ignorance. Maybe you need different Mormon friends. ;)

      I think Josh has been pretty tolerant of criticism on non-religious subjects - there have been some really harsh comments over the months, if you go back and look.

      Delete
  42. Lolly and Josh, it is challenging to be leaders. While I have not had the same experiences as you are having in your current leadership role (and that IS what you are doing), I can empathize with the insane amount of backlash you get when, as a leader or pioneer, you are paving a way for others who WILL follow your example as they seek to grow closer to the Savior.

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  43. I want you both to know I support you one hundred percent! I think that you and Lolly are both such an inspiration and an example. People are entitled to their own opinions and negativity; and I'm really sorry that your family has to deal with the hurt and pain they can bring. Just know that you two have touched my life so much, and that you guys will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  44. You guys are the best. I wish there was a way for you to just be able to ignore all the negative stuff. I'm sure after awhile it's just too much and there's a straw that breaks the back. At any rate, I think you both are wonderful and I wish you happiness and every good thing. Hugs.

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  45. I have to say that ten months ago I didn't understand your relationship and maybe I don't fully understand it now, but that's beside the point.

    YOU understand your relationship. You and Lolly. And you value it. How important is the rest of it? How important is it that other people understand your relationship? I guess my perspective has changed but maybe it has to be enough that we know why we choose the things we do.

    I understand that some people are very defensive when they sense that people are telling gays not to be gay. But I don't think that's what you two are about. I don't believe that's what you're doing. Life is complicated and so is love and some types of love are hard to understand. Some types of relationships are hard to identify with. Sometimes we have to leave people to their ignorance and let it go.
    In any case, it's never okay for people to be cruel.

    When your girls are older, you can tell them that you did your best to live openly and proudly. They seem like pretty happy girls to me and I think they're lucky to have you both as parents. I mean that with all my heart.

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  46. Go Josh! And Lolly, you are amazing! And much loved! Don't let the people get you down, you know where you need to be, and what you should be doing. *hugs*

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  47. First: Hugs to Lolly and you.

    Second: I write under a pen name for my blog, so it is pointless to try to associate this name with anything. However, my daughter knew of you and met your personally before we moved away in August. I came across your blog somehow a while ago (I don't remember how), and my daughter and I put together who you are coming from our two different angles. Today, in her Sunday School class (which was about obedience for something), she felt like she should tell them about you and that the show is coming on tonight. She did. There was not a lot of discussion, but it definitely made an impression on people--just thought provoking impression. On the way home, she told me what she had done and said, "I don't know if it was the right thing to do," and then something about that she does not know what people are thinking about it. I told her it is always right to do what you think you should and it is always right to have open, full, honest discussions in church--that is exactly what we need in church. I told her I thought she did the right thing. I think she is reassured.

    Third: Hugs to you and Lolly.

    Kate @ BJJ, Law, and Living

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  48. Well, I just love The Family Weed. I have never goten to meet the rest, but as an extension of Josh, whom I love and appreciate--you get all the love. It is rightand good that you should use media to open people's minds and hearts to unique ways of the heart. Certainly, it is used for purposes that are terrible and awful. Reality tv? Why not see loving kindness and strong families there? I applaud you folks. (And Josh, you are a rockstar for defending your sweet wife and kids.) Mwah!

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  49. Josh and Lolly, I want you both to know that I love you guys dearly. I have read every single one of your posts and I have come to know you. You may not know me, but I know you. Your stories often come up in conversation with my husband, friends, and family. My husband knows you almost as well as I do because I love sharing your blog with him, giving him a good laugh at times, provoking thoughtful and spiritual discussions at others. I know you guys. And I know that you are not what the haters on here say you are. They don't know who you are. If they did, they wouldn't be saying the things they're saying. Don't let them make you second-guess your God-given mission to spread love and knowledge and tolerance. You are ambassadors! And the little dogs will bark at you. But don't listen to them. Listen to the dozens more who are cheering you on, crying for your pain (as I did as I read these hurtful comments), and being inspired to be more Christlike in our daily lives by your wonderful examples. We are here for you, we are praying for you, and we love you. I know the show will reach many people who will learn a lot from it and it will touch a lot of hearts and lives. I'm really excited for you guys about it! I really hope I get to see it!

    As for the need to accept backlash, as you've said in a previous post, this is your virtual living room. You have every right to protect it from hate and rudeness and judgment. This post showed your strength as a husband and a father and a man. I've never seen you so fired up, and you've had lots to get fired up over before. It was so romantic the way you defended Lolly! Good for you! I loved seeing that. You love her so deeply, and no one could deny that after that post. So you go right ahead and you defend your lovely wife when someone comes into your space and starts spreading hate. This is YOUR blog. People can say whatever they want on their blogs or in their articles or on their Facebook pages or whatever. But you have every right to defend your space. So go right ahead and defend it!

    That's all I have to say about that.

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  50. I put together a big long comment and decided it could be stated in a few simple sentences. Anonymous negative posters - get real. Anyone who has met Josh can see he is not a fame seeker, nor money lover. Counselors don't go into that profession for money, trust me. Also, if you aren't feeling the spirit when you read this blog you may want to question your own heart. Feeling the spirit has as much to do with the "feelee" as with the info that is presented. Also, while this is a public form, first and foremost it is JOSH's BLOG. A personal journal he has put out there for others to share in the hopes he might reach someone that is suffering in silence. If you have an opposing viewpoint put it out there, but do it in a kind, non-judgmental way. We want to talk about all points of view, but can't do it when you are doing it in such a negative, painful way.

    Josh & Lolly - rock on. Keep fighting the good fight. If I could've seen you both today I would've given you both a big hug. You are loved - and I KNOW you are following the spirit of the Lord. Don't let the ugly comments get you down.

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  51. I couldn't watch the clip from my non-America location, so I searched YouTube for it and found a 6.30min video of you and your family from ABCNews posted July 2012.

    I am a member of the same church. A wife, and a mother. As I read over the comments on yesterdays post and this one I can see and understand the opinions for and against.

    The show doesn't look a wholesome show at all, but provides a platform for the many who watch it to laugh at the couples on it.

    I don't know your reasons for your decision to go on the show, but I do believe you would not have done so lightly.

    I don't believe anyone has the right to judge you based on what they read on your blog, if at all. But in saying that I think you know that you opened yourself wide up for that.

    My opinion is mixed, but really, my opinion doesn't matter in the slightest! what does matter, is what you and your wife think.

    I recently read a quote from Dr Phil "You are a guest in their marriage and a guest in there home. You have to fold into their rules and their lives if you want to be welcome there"

    I took me a couple of reads to figure out that it is relevant to any guest. As a follower of your blog I feel like a guest in your life. And in short, it is your marriage, your family, your life

    and haters, are not welcome!
    Xx

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  52. I was surprised that you would do the show, only because the clip made the whole show look, I dunno, kinda sleazy, and I know from the blog that your family has been careful about where you put yourselves. That said, my next thought was, "Wow, good for them."

    Sorry about the hurtful comments, both the one in the OP and the ones that are sure to come. But just remember, there are more that are with you than are against you.

    (There's a super awesome scripture about that somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look it up.)

    Good luck.

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  53. Your example of bravery and love is inspiring. Sounds like you guys are loved by many (including me!) and I hope you can ignore rude people! They have no place to judge. I think this is an amazing opportunity to share the gospel and what you believe. Keep your chins up! :)

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  54. I don't really mean to be anonymous, but I have forgotten my google account. I am grateful for your openness. I join you in denouncing those vicious, mean-spirited people who cause you grief. We are dealing with some issues of homosexuality in our family and you all give me hope and understanding. Dry you tears, Lolly. There are more for you than against you and if God is for you then all the wolves of the world will howl in vain. Good luck and Godspeed.

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  55. I'm honestly shocked at the comments on here that mention that your blog has been going "spiritually downhill" lately. Clearly they did not read your posts from before the "coming out" post. You know, when it was primarily a humor blog with titles like "And that's when I told her about my creative vagina." (Which, btw, was hilarious.) Pretty sure your blog has had a primarily spiritual focus since you came out. To suggest otherwise is honestly kind of offensive.
    Although I am not a fan of the other stories that may be on the show (except for the quadriplegic couple, that seems interesting), your involvement in the show reminds me of Paul at Mars Hill (Acts 17:22-31). Paul was among those in Athens, surrounded by altars to Athenian gods, when he found an opportunity to tell them about God by addressing their altar to the "unknown God." This is a wonderful opportunity for you and Lolly to reach a demographic that you might not have otherwise with your pure love for God by addressing them in a way they understand. Even if editing isn't favorable, what if it directs people to your blog? It is a seed planting opportunity. Clearly this is a God-centered venture. I'm not even Mormon and I can tell that (I'm evangelical Christian). A light in the darkness. My prayers are with you and Lolly. Praying for God's comfort and undeniable peace.

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    1. Well put, Kelsey. I did not look at it that way. I was among the disappointed at seeing Josh and Lolly and the other couple you mention involved in this show. I did not look at it from the point of view of reaching a new audience rather than preaching to the choir, as it were.

      Lolly and Josh, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to both of you. I don't think my comment was overly rude but it was insensitive and for that I am very sorry. I do want to go on record as saying that I think you are a very lucky lady, Lolly. You obviously have a husband who loves you very, very much and that is a wonderful gift. Again, I want to say I'm sorry if my words added to the hurt you were already experiencing.

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  56. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. " Theodore Roosevelt

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  57. The good that you are doing is probably unknown even to you! Please don't be deterred in praying and seeking God's guidance about the courageous sharing of your lives and choices with others. So many people, including myself, have gained so much from what you've offered so generously! Critics are grossly misunderstanding you. I think it is plain to perceive your genuineness. You both have a great gift of communicating with a wonderful tone and real manner. Don't let the barking dogs cloud your skies over! Sending love...:)

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  58. I admire and applaud your bravery. I am thankful that there are people in the world like you and Lolly who are willing to address these important issues from the perspective of the gospel of Jesus Christ and your own powerful experience. Anyone who reads your blog would see it is quite clear your family and faith come first in your lives. I could never be so brave as you because the unkindness of others would destroy me. Stay strong. I pray there is more kindness out there in the world than not.

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  59. There are a gazillion comments here, and I don't usually comment on things, but I'm near enough to crying on Lolly's behalf here. I guess I'll stand in line with all the others commenting here that your family has been inspirational to me. In terms of religion and homosexuality I can see many sides to the issue and I choose to have faith in the Lord and His commandments. Both in loving others and in creating families that can stand the eternities. When your "outing" post went viral I was intrigued. I read the whole dang thing and then read it again with my husband. It make me look at homosexuality / sexuality / choices in a slightly different angle that made SO MUCH SENSE!!!
    My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have three lovely daughters (you and Lolly did it right. Three girls is ideal ;)). We have only ever had sexual relations with each-other and only after we were married. Even with some uncommon situations that may lead others to different choices, we choose to keep our intimacy between both of us and use it to enhance our relationship, even though sometimes that is difficult (several chronic health issues making it difficult / painful and that sort of thing). Those aren't popular choices these days. Those aren't even considered "reasonable" choices these days. But I will never regret them. I will never accept that doing otherwise will in any way enhance a relationship based on respect and real love.
    My husband was attracted to a tall, thin, and even if I do say so myself, "hot" young blonde dancer. Now he is married to a tall, heavy woman who walks with a cane and bleeds our finances in medical bills. Does that mean that since that's not what he naturally is attracted to that he should give it up? He tells me so often that he loves me more every day that I think he just might mean it ;) 14 years ago he would not have been physically attracted to me. Yes, his initial interest had something to do with his sexual attraction. But then we formed a real relationship. Now he truly loves someone (me!!!) he would not have been attracted to then. Your story of your love of Lolly despite your natural physical attraction has actually helped me feel more secure in my relationship with my husband. My dad was a cheater and I grew up in a broken home and yes, I know that has left me with baggage. The perspective you shared of being a gay man who chose an end goal and found joy in the journey there actually has helped me see how my husband can be telling me the absolute truth when he tell me he loves me. When he tells me he still finds me attractive. It makes more sense how my husband can still enjoy physical intimacy with me even with this body that is so very broken and not the sort he would have initially responded to. Thank you. My story is different from yours, but your story helped me turn down the volume in the frightened corner of my brain that says "but I'm not the girl he wanted so much back then". I have learned that I can be the woman he loves and appreciates on so many more levels.
    I apologize, I'm sure this is turning into a novel. Meds I'm on this evening make she chatty, and I'm thinking through my fingers as I often do. This is why I usually forgo commenting!
    Thank you, also, for standing up for your wife. My husband does the same for me when someone starts calling me lazy, whiny, or a liar. He will not put up with people who do not understand leaving me feeling like crap. I wish every adult had a companion who would do the same for them.
    I believe you are protecting your family and being very careful with what you choose to share and who you share things with. Even IF you were to mess up somewhere, you're doing a great job. Even IF something went badly, those people have no place to judge your intentions.

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    1. I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing your perspective and personal experience about still loving someone in spite of not being physically attracted to them. I had never thought of it quite that way, and I think that will help me in the future. Thanks!

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    2. (I'm the original poster of the anonymous comment above). I have to add - Yesterday I got to spend some time with my husband before work with the kids at school. We were running a few errands and just enjoying the time together. I shared with him what I posted above. I guess I'd never really said it out loud to him, how I have thought of things in a different way. He was SO grateful also. He said he's had the same worries on his side. His are even easier to understand as my libido has plummeted over the last several years with severe health issues. I still enjoy intimacy, but I rarely have started anything. We've worked hard on talking through things to try to prevent hurt feelings on either side. I know it's been really hard for him. I just have felt truckloads of guilt because I feel like it makes me even less worthy physically. Naturally it has led to him feeling undesirable to me, which isn't the case. Adding this aspect to our conversation helped lift a weight from his shoulders. He was able to better see my side.
      And it doesn't hurt that the most recent new medication I have been put on to try out has turned my libido back 10 years, lol. It hasn't helped what we were hoping for (severe chronic pain), but despite side-effect warnings of the opposite I have reclaimed that spark. I don't know if it will stay, but we're really enjoying it in the mean time!
      It's a different take on what is being discussed on this blog, but it has been wonderful for our traditional relationship.

      (The reason I'm remaining anonymous is that I have spoken rather bluntly about private matters and would rather not shock certain family members or friends who prefer to think of others are sexless beings ;))

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  60. If there is one thing I've learned about the Weed family as a faithful "weeder" for the past 10 months it is that you two are sincere. I believe you when you say that your decisions are made seeking guidance from the Lord. And whatever the Lord says to do is right, no matter how anybody else feels. Hugs to both of you.

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  61. I was raised Mormon and left the charge several years ago after constant negative experiences with other members. I keep coming back to this blog not because you write of your homosexuality from a religious standpoint, but because you give me hope that there are open minded Mormons out there. Your defense of Lolly touched and inspired me. I wish there were more people out there who acted and responded to situations like you do.

    Keep going.

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  62. I don't know any of you all, although I live in Portland, which you've mentioned a few times. I'm not Mormon, although I grew up near a great family of them and attended church with them many times. I would just like to give Lolly a big hug, from one mom to another. I know what it's like to have hurt feelings because people can be mean, and it's just not okay! Hugs to Lolly, stay strong Weeds! Much love, P.

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  63. Josh, you and Lolly are the shiznit. I think you should change your masthead to read:
    The Weed: Good For What Ails Ya!
    (You totally do NOT have to pay me for that slogan btw.)
    I honestly think the righteous indignation is kind of hot. I don't mean to be inappropriate in my comments. Maybe my current life situation is making me say inappropriate things. (What was my excuse before???)
    Just sayin'

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    1. LOL. I must say, that when I read Josh defending Lolly, I was thinking, "HOTDAMN, I want a husband like that someday" :P

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  64. I really don't understand why the anonymity of the internet seems to turn people into arrogant, hateful, deprecatory monsters. It disgusts me. I don't understand how you can read all these judgmental comments without wanting to tear everyone's heads off. I guess you are a lot more patient than I am. It's hard for me to swallow my own indignation at how easily these hypocrites are willing to judge you. We are all hypocrites when we judge.

    Josh and Lolly, most of us who read your blog do so because we love you, support you, and learn from you. Anyway, I wouldn't blame you for censoring every negative comment, if you are still moderating them...just delete it as soon as you read the first sign of derogation! You don't have to put up with it, and no one cares about the naysayers opinions, anyway.

    K, I'm getting off my soap box now.

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  65. i'm so sorry that someone hurt Lolly. they must be a new reader. no one who had followed your blog prior to "The Post" would think any of the things that mean person said. i have followed you for years and all of the times you talk about Lolly she makes me think of a Bible verse: Proverbs 31:28-29 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

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  66. Just an interesting observation - one day you humbly comment about how when growing up your sexuality caused you to feel disingenuous in your relationships with other guy. Then today, you provide a perfect example of a real man should respond when his wife is attacked. As I read your comments the words of Richard C Edgly came to mind - "Behold, a man". Thank you for sharing your thoughts as well as your example of how to care for a spouse.

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  67. HOLY COW!!! Whomever wrote the positive comment that you posted is A M A Z I N G and the "stuff" the world needs. ♥ Can't wait to see the show. Missed it TWICE last night ;-) HOOAH to all 5 of you!

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  68. Love this post! You are right Josh, and the comment you added at the end is right, too! Tearing someone else down has EVERYTHING to do with who is doing the tearing down and NOTHING to do with who they are tearing down.

    You guys are great, and I think you know that. People who don't feel the need to tear down others know that too. Love you guys. Trust yourselves!

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  69. Its a special kind of sin, that I don't know if it has a parallel in the LDS church: Hurting a mother through her children is proscribed in the religion of my childhood.

    "No mother is to be harmed through her child, nor father through his."

    And since we're going there... Here's another:

    'What is more unjust than he who keeps a hidden testament he has from God? God is not unaware of what you do."

    There will always be the sowers of discord.
    Those who cast hatefulness & fear before them, claiming they're just trying to bring others together. Those who mock, belittle, deride. They are the losers.
    ____________

    Your children are both lucky & blessed to have the parents they do. As are you two, to have each other.

    Peace be upon you & yours, always.

    - Grey

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  70. Dearest Loll,

    Abrahamic trials really bite. So I'm sitting at my computer, crying with you. I'm so glad you have Josh, your sweet little girls, and such good friends. I love you. Even just the past few days, I was telling Heavenly Father how grateful I was and how much it meant to me to have you call a month or so ago when you did. I pray now, as earnestly as I know how, that your perfect person will reach out, say just the right things, and comfort and still your heart as you did mine. Thanks for being my sister, even when my shortcomings and flaws are so visible and blatant. :) I love you! Stella

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  71. Well, said! Way to stand up for your wife!

    I am personally so thankful for the publicity you two have endured-- you are the only reason I even know of any gay Mormons making choices to live in accordance with the gospel. You have done, and continue to do, what so many people consider impossible, and for that I am grateful. It is so inspiring to see the way you are living your life. Thank you.

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  72. first and foremost, Lolly, I want you to know that although there are many many rude and mean people in the world, you are an AMAZING mother and wife. Everyone close to you can see that, heck you don't even know me but I think you are are awesome. You may not see it yet (or maybe you do) but you are an inspiration to all those around you. 1 Samuel 16:7 is my favorite scripture, whenever people get me down this is what I turn to.

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  73. Um yeah, when I saw the TV spot I thought exactly what you wrote in #4. Lolly is amazing and super inspiring. I would cry too though. Poor Lolly. Sending positive thoughts and prayers her way.

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  74. Josh - what has made me cry for hours, heck days on end, is seeing gay people who are Mormon trying to live their lives, aware that they can say they are gay but never be in a gay relationship. Watching the pain and at times agony as they try to figure that out, even with your and other examples. Watching them know that to live a gay life would mean giving up the church they have always known. that makes me cry.
    What also makes me cry? Gay Mormons being ex-communicated for being in a gay relationship.
    I believe and understand that you have undergone and undergo horrific bullying. For most gay people living gay lives in America, that is every day for them. Every single day. That makes me cry.
    It just seems that when people don't agree with something you are doing, you get justifiably upset. And yet you don't seem to understand that your stance on gay relationships is just as upsetting to some other people no matter how nicely you say it.

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    Replies
    1. Josh has always said that for him PERSONALLY a gay relationship wasn't the right choice, but he doesn't think others should not be in one.
      In fact, in their interview on MormonStories (youtube) conducted by John Dehlin, Lolly even says that she voted for marriage equality - not because she personally believes in it, but because she believes in free agency, and that everyone should have the right to marry whom they want.
      Definitely watch the interview, both Josh and Lolly were so open and loving, and it will help you understand where they come from in terms of beliefs.

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  75. I LOVE you guys! You are like my favorite people ever, and I don't even know you. Just remember that's all that matters, because my opinion is all that matters.... hahaha just kidding. Keep your head up!

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  76. I think you guys are awesome, and I don't even know you. Just remember my opinion is the only one that matters.... haha, just kidding... kind of...

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  77. Now Josh if you guys would do MTVs: Battle of the Seasons that's good television, then I'd be hooked . . .

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  78. In a trying time when I was facing hateful words from some people I love, I found some comfort when I read 3 Nephi 11:29-30. It reminded me of the source of contention, and it gave me strength as it reminded me that the atonement could help me through it.

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  79. Josh and Lolly, I am so sorry that people are so close minded when it comes to love and family. I know that you are beautiful and strong people, two of which I would be proud to have as friends, and that your daughters will always love you and be in awe of the beautiful story you are trying to share with the world. Please don't let narrow minded fools get you down. This is your life, live it the way you felt you were meant to. As for everything else, it will fall where it should.

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  80. Haters gonna hate! But the haters are few and far between compared to the rest of us Weeders who love love love LOVE you guys! Like me. :) You changed my life last year with your post! You helped to break down the big walls of bitterness I had about the church! I started finding the good things in the gospel rather than focusing on the bad or confusing parts BECAUSE OF YOU. Remember when we met in Provo and I told you that you two had strengthened my testimony? Well...guess who is active in the church again and just got called as a Relief Society teacher. THIS LADY RIGHT HERE. That is due, in part, to you and Lolly for being such amazing examples to everyone. You bring joy and light in dark places, even Vh1. ;) haha. I can't wait to watch your episode of the show! Don't get discouraged! You are amazing people. You are amazing parents. THANK YOU for what you have shown us is possible when you are brave. :) <3

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  81. I don't know how to do this privately so I guess publicly is my only option. I was directed to this blog by a loving bishop. You see, my son returns from his mission today due to situations that occurred prior to his mission that involved a homosexual encounter. I'm at a loss right now of where to turn. My heart is breaking for my son and all he will need to face as he tries to find his way in life after this. Thank you for giving this mother's heart hope. I love my son so much and pray that he will be able to find the joy and happiness you have found in knowing the love of our savior and the reality that His atonement plays in all our lives. Thank you again.

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  82. I was directed to your blog by a loving bishop. You see, my son is returning home today from his mission due to a homosexual occurrence that happened prior to his mission. I'm heart broken thinking of all he will face as he comes home and tries to find his way through this trial. Thank you for giving me hope. I have cried a million tears in agony, knowing the struggles he will face. I love him so deeply and as a mom I know I can't walk this path for him and make it all better. I just pray that he will be able to feel the love of the Savior and know the atonement is real for all of us. Thank you again.

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  83. I haven't posted before, though I've read this blog since it went viral last year. The reason I keep coming back is that you're funny and honest. You've helped me realize that love and sexuality are a lot more complicated and fluid than most realize. It's not about labels, it's about people and relationships (which are all unique). Your writing gives me no doubt that you and Lolly love one another and chose one another, and no doubt that you are both loving parents. Trolls better look out, you've got waaaay more people on your side than on theirs. :)

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  84. For years I have been sad that so many good people were hurting alone. It wasn't that long ago that the information we had about same gender attraction was that it could be controlled and any person who made that choice was evil. Sorry if that sounds harsh but lets not beat around the bush. For years I have felt we as Christians completely failed in the department of trying being supportive understanding and loving to a special group of people who by no choice of their own suffered alone. Being a Mother to 6 terribly colic babies and I remember feeling like no one understood how much it hurts and how frustrating it was to not be able to soothe my babies. I can't even imagine the pain so many parents and children have suffered....alone. I am so tired of intolerance and ignorance. Judging others is not the path our Savior mandated so it is always incredible to me when I read the rantings of our"good LDS" friends spewing their misguided opinions. Thank you, oh deceived one you continue to set us back to the dark ages. And to the Weed family-God bless you and your efforts to make a real change in the world. Your courage and love is inspiring!

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  85. Lolly, shake them haters off girl. They need Jesus, Im just saying. HA! Keep doing you girl, The Lord is very much pleased. :D

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  86. What a gross comment. I'm sorry. I am NOT going to lie: I become so ambivalent when I try to rationalize your relationship. On the one hand, I think you two are literally perfect for each other. On the other... you know what's on the other hand... ;)

    But you know what? I read because you make me laugh. You also make me think. I don't mind using my brain, and oh yeah... you seem very happy! I firmly believe the Dalai Lama is right: the purpose of life is happiness. (Not greediness, gluttony, etc to be clear) So, you're happy! Yay! I also think Lolly is damn cool from the little videos you've shared and I hate to think of her crying over some "itch" a hateful person decided to indulge when they spewed that comment.

    Oh, and I'll watch. +1 from the Californian heathen, m'kay?

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  87. You guys continue to amaze me everyday I read this. I really believe it was through divine intervention me and my sister even found this blog! Our friends and us are going on a camping trip this weekend and they sent us a link to your post about camping. We did a little searching on here and found out you were a gay mormon, and happily married. For a long time me and my sister have struggled with that part of our testimonies of this church. We didn't think it was fair how gays are treated, and if "being gay" was a bad thing. We found this blog and so so many answers to prayers. I can not even begin to tell you what it has done for us. You and Lolly are an ANSWER TO OUR PRAYERS. Thank you! You are both amazing, PLEASE PLEASE don't fret over what nasty things people say. You guys are an inspiration. I heard your writing a book would really love to know when that's going to be available!

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  88. Seriously, this situation is no different than a woman who is attracted to men that are not her husband, yet she does not act on it, because she loves her husband, and vice versa. Unimaginable numbers of men are married to a woman they love, yet they are sexually attracted to other women, or even men. What Josh is doing here is simply stating that he naturally feels sexually attracted to men. He also says that he loves a woman who is sharing her life with him, they are best friends, and they are lovers. They are parents, and they are faithful to their beliefs. Anyone who doesn't understand this may possibly have trouble with simple thought processes. I am not one of the many who support gay rights, but I am someone who understands natural human nature and human desire. Josh has every right to be honest, and every right to how he feels, because he is living according to his heart. His heart is with his wife, his children, and with God.

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  89. Seriously, this situation is no different than a woman who is attracted to men that are not her husband, yet she does not act on it, because she loves her husband, and vice versa. Unimaginable numbers of men are married to a woman they love, yet they are sexually attracted to other women, or even men. What Josh is doing here is simply stating that he naturally feels sexually attracted to men. He also says that he loves a woman who is sharing her life with him, they are best friends, and they are lovers. They are parents, and they are faithful to their beliefs. Anyone who doesn't understand this may possibly have trouble with simple thought processes. I am not one of the many who support gay rights, but I am someone who understands natural human nature and human desire. Josh has every right to be honest, and every right to how he feels, because he is living according to his heart. His heart is with his wife, his children, and with God.

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  90. Seriously, this situation is no different than a woman who is attracted to men that are not her husband, yet she does not act on it, because she loves her husband, and vice versa. Unimaginable numbers of men are married to a woman they love, yet they are sexually attracted to other women, or even men. What Josh is doing here is simply stating that he naturally feels sexually attracted to men. He also says that he loves a woman who is sharing her life with him, they are best friends, and they are lovers. They are parents, and they are faithful to their beliefs. Anyone who doesn't understand this may possibly have trouble with simple thought processes. I am not one of the many who support gay rights, but I am someone who understands natural human nature and human desire. Josh has every right to be honest, and every right to how he feels, because he is living according to his heart. His heart is with his wife, his children, and with God.

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  91. Hey Josh, I just want to thank you for your example to those of us who are members of the church and are gay! You rock and you and your wife are amazing testimonies of the reality of God's plan for us as His children! Lolly, don't worry about what they say. They don't understand the relationship and the love that you two have for each other. It is something that I hope that I can have one day. I hope that one day I can be as strong as you two and be able to have a family to call my own! YOU GUYS ROCK!

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  92. Sorry for the haters. I wish you wouldn't care what they say, especially after undertaking a thorough decision making process. I know though that sometimes things hurt when logically they shouldn't.

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  93. I am LDS and live in Utah. I saw your story stream through facebook about a year ago. I don't know you but have a huge amount of respect for you and your wife and your family. And let me just say this. Your daughters WILL be proud of you both. You know why? Not because you're gay or straight or LDS or non LDS but because you love each other on a pure and selfless level; because you are kind and respectful of/to each other.

    In and outside of the church, it is so rare to find someone who loves a person for who they truly are, let alone when who you truly are is something that is [sadly] still so taboo or when "you" is something they are not naturally attracted to. So, to that, I say congratulations to the both of you! Don't cry Lolly. You're guys are amazing, you're married to your best friend, something that is so rarely accomplished and you love your family and your souse and your family. There's nothing to be sad about there.

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  94. I am LDS and live in Utah. I saw your story stream through facebook about a year ago. I don't know you but have a huge amount of respect for you and your wife and your family. And let me just say this. Your daughters WILL be proud of you both. You know why? Not because you're gay or straight or LDS or non LDS but because you love each other on a pure and selfless level; because you are kind and respectful of/to each other.

    In and outside of the church, it is so rare to find someone who loves a person for who they truly are, let alone when who you truly are is something that is [sadly] still so taboo or when "you" is something they are not naturally attracted to. So, to that, I say congratulations to the both of you! Don't cry Lolly. You're guys are amazing, you're married to your best friend, something that is so rarely accomplished and you love your family and your souse and your family. There's nothing to be sad about there.

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  95. You two are giants! I love your love! I love your courage!

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  96. Dearest Lolly and Josh,
    Yes, your message has been reached to a sixteen year old Christian that happened to watch television and seen such an inspiring story.
    I can't even begin to tell you how inspired I am from the both of you guys. You guys took a step forward and I thought that coming out was an amazing choice. You guys are just like everyone else and I see that you both care for your family and your religion. To me, that's beautiful.
    According to what those people said about Josh not being in the 'club' of the gay community, I think that is complete rubbish. You know who you are and you guys are just amazing. Keep being the inspiring people that you are. :)

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