10. On day two, looking in the mirror: "Wait, that can't be my body! I'm a skinny person now!"
9. "I don't care what anybody says. Fruit is not a 'delicious dessert.'"
8. "Does a Snicker's count as a protein bar?"
7. "I didn't lose weight this week. Must be muscle weight."
6. "Tofu tastes like plastic if plastic were made of boring and cheese curd."
5. "Eating half-mangled food off my kids' plates means it doesn't have any calories."
4. "I would snap my left pinky bone with a nut-cracker for a bowl of Haagen Dazs."
3. "Mmmmm! Water is nature's soft drink!"
2. "Wow, I ran two miles. That means I get a snack! *eats 4,000 calories in one sitting*"
1. "Whew. Those were the hardest four days of my life."