Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Top 10 thoughts I have while I'm on a diet.

Top 10 thoughts I have while I'm on a diet:

10. On day two, looking in the mirror: "Wait, that can't be my body! I'm a skinny person now!"

9. "I don't care what anybody says. Fruit is not a 'delicious dessert.'"

8. "Does a Snicker's count as a protein bar?"

7. "I didn't lose weight this week. Must be muscle weight."

6. "Tofu tastes like plastic if plastic were made of boring and cheese curd."

5. "Eating half-mangled food off my kids' plates means it doesn't have any calories."

4. "I would snap my left pinky bone with a nut-cracker for a bowl of Haagen Dazs."

3. "Mmmmm! Water is nature's soft drink!"

2. "Wow, I ran two miles. That means I get a snack! *eats 4,000 calories in one sitting*"

And finally,

1. "Whew. Those were the hardest four days of my life."


  1. Bwaaaahahaha! oh my gosh #5 is the best XD
    And so true *nods wisely*

  2. I do #2... oh, once a day. #runnerproblems

  3. Love it. If it is working, I may have to adopt a few of these 'tips'

  4. Seriously thought #10 today...I'm on day 3 and down 2.5lbs..."yay, I'm skinny now, I'm done!".

  5. Anything you eat off someone else's plate has no calories.
    Anything you eat standing up has no calories.
    If you break a cookie in two all the calories fall out.
    Chocolate is made from a bean and therefore counts as one of your fruit and veg portions.

  6. so funny josh!! one point when I was dieting (now i think my goal while pregnant is enjoy as much food as i can before heading back to diet land ...or get as big as possible) anyway i'd remotivate myself each sunday while trying to find something to wear for church. I'd stick to the diet for ....like you 4 days and then come sunday wonder why my skinny skirts weren't fitting?! then i'd recommit. it was a terrible cycle :)

  7. #6 should be the title of your book.

  8. This is hilarious! It's like you were reading my mind.

  9. "Hardest 4 days of my life". Yep! That's about how long any sort of nutrition or work-out plan lasts for me. XD hahaah.

  10. If you really want a good protein bar, I have a recommendation for you. :) Mel can second that recommendation.

  11. You speak to my soul, Joshua Weed.
    A while back I resolved to be a skinny depressed person. Kept that up for a week. Hardly ate a thing. It was awesome. But no. As it turns out, long term, I am definitely a "feed your emotions with food" depressed person. Some people will say things like "oh, go for a run instead!" and I'm like that's the f****** stupidest thing I've ever heard. Seriously? Dumb skinny people.

  12. I'm glad you've made it through the hardest four days of your life! :) I'm curious about #6. Have you tried pressing the tofu first? It makes such a huge difference in terms of texture. After pressing, my favorite way to prepare it is to set the oven to 400 degrees. Cut the tofu into six slices, and bake in a glass baking dish for twenty minutes with a good splash of tamari and olive oil. Then after those twenty minutes, flip the tofu slices and add the juice of a lemon (two if they're small) to the dish with a pinch of rosemary. Continue baking for another 20 minutes. Tofu is basically a sponge, and it will pick up whatever marinades you put with it. If you like lemon, you'll love this. It's great as an entree, in sandwiches, or on salads.

  13. I've been wondering ... is that your hand and foot? Pretty creative way to show ten!

  14. FFAQ Question!!!

    What do you LOVE about being gay?
    (Things you like about being gay also qualify)
    But, having known many martyrs... You're not one.
    Pura Vida. So lets break out the awesome.


  15. What are your ransom demands for Josh Weed? We know that it's a bad sign for the victim when there are no demands, but you should know that he has lots of people who love him and are willing to pay a substantial amount for his return. I will chip in $1.70 and a dorito taco.

    1. I'll throw in Cafe Rio & a cake from a cottage which is rather known for its pastries!

      Not actually joking.

      2 words: Dry Ice.


  16. Your weeders have missed you. I am sorry for what happened on the other thread. I actually was the one who stood up for you all because you deserve it. Don't let anyone's opinion bring you down. It's always just between you, Lolly and the Lord. THEIR opinions matter, no one else's. If I had based my life on how other people felt I never would have joined the church and I would have missed out on the greatest blessing in my life. You are both amazing. Your candor and openness has blessed my life and made me feel not so alone. Even though I don't struggle with same gender attraction, I certainly have my own laundry lists of issues. You both inspire me. Keep on shining your light. We desperately need that in the world right now. When comments hurt or are biting I hope you can see that the good outweighs the bad. Also that we would give Lolly a big hug if we could. Any moment we judge it takes away a moment to love. I hope people learn to love. You two are great. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Actually I guess you FIVE are great. Can't leave your sweet kiddos out of that equation. You two are in my prayers. I know this isn't quite what you had planned for your life but our lives never turn out that way. I remember hearing if you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans. I am sure this direction in your life seems overwhelming at times. Just know that you have a whole army of support behind you. Not just in this world but also in the other world. We love you guys.

    1. Ditto also! I have also lost friends because of your life choices, and I can only pray that they will one day feel comfortable and open enough to realize that each person's life is their own to explore, and that's what "coming out" really means. You and Lolly are awesome role models! keep speaking truth, because we need it! (and yes, tofu is what plastic would taste like if it were made of boring and cheese curd. That was sheer brilliance there, son.)

  17. I have a question.

    What advice do you give a couple about to enter a mixed orientation marriage?

  18. Top 10 signs you're going through a Weed withdrawal:

    10. You are still hitting the "refresh" button a few times a day, even after more than two weeks of disappointment.

    9. You also check The Weed's Facebook page....just in case you missed something there.

    8. You start looking at other blogs just to pass the time and try to fill the void...but after every one, it just reminds you how much you love The Weed, so you go click "refresh" on that tab again...just in case.

    7. You start reading comments on the latest blog post, just to see if anyone else seems to have noticed Josh's absence.

    6. You delve into much older posts on The Weed, like all the ADHD ones, to help you try to forget that Josh hasn't actually posted in a while.

    5. You make a list like this at 2 a.m. rather than doing the sane thing and going to bed.

    4. It actually doesn't take you all that much though to come up with 10 things to put on a "10 signs you're going through a Weed withdrawal" list.

    3. (Okay, maybe it does take a *little* effort.)

    2. *Refresh*....Darn.

    1. It takes you a while to realize how very different "Top 10 signs you're going through a Weed withdrawal" must sound to anyone not familiar with The Weed.

    We miss you, Josh!! Please fill us in soon! :)

    1. Nice to see someone else who hits refresh a bajillion times a day to see if Josh has finally posted. We miss you, Josh!

    2. love it and feel the same way! :)

  19. Joshy Joshy we love you!
    Lolly Lolly we love you too.
    Now it's time to come and place.
    Send the kids with friends for the day.
    Know that only one comment someone said was us their opinion. We like to think we have been there through thick and thinyin. (Not a word but work with me please).
    Please please come back before your weeders start doing weed.
    And we know that the gateway drug to where all other drugs lead.
    We miss you all way too much
    My screen is filling with dust
    Who you are and who you become
    Helps us be better when all is said and done
    Thank your our dear friends are handcarts circled round
    I Know it's overwhelming in infamy you found
    Listen not to the nay sayers
    Follow your heart, really hear it
    In the end you will be where HE wants you to be
    And don't give a minute or a second to those who fear it.

    (Debbie) I wrote the one above it too.

  20. Someone must have posted after me. I wrote mine on the 3rd. I hope everything is going alright in your life. You two have certainly been put through the ringer. Big blessings are to come. I never thought I would be addicted to Weed. ;P

  21. yes PLEASE come back!!! My refresh button is becoming worn out!

  22. Happy birthday The Weed! Love you!