Friday, October 31, 2014

I AM a big deal.

Sometimes people ask me "Josh, what's it like being a Mormon celebrity? Like, seriously, is it hard to be such a big deal?"

Gotta admit, it can be hard to be someone who exudes relevance all the time.

I'm wearing a tux. I am relevant. 

Like, for instance, it's really time-consuming to write in this blog. Once a quarter.

It's also hard to know what to be for Halloween. Do I go as some other relevant celebrity? Or do I just go as myself, and risk getting lost in the sea of other people who have decided to be Josh Weed for Halloween?


The most challenging part, though, is when people play coy. Like the other day at a coffee shop...

Barista: What can I get you?

Me: I'll have a tall hot chocolate. With whipped cream.

Barista: Sure. That'll be up for you in just a second.

Me: Okay thanks.

*awkward pause while nobody else is in line behind me*

Me: Oookay, fine! I'll fess up. It really is me.

Barista: Excuse me?

Me: Oh you're not fooling anyone, young lady. Don't act like you didn't recognize me.

Barista: I'm… I have no idea who you are.

Me: Does the year 2012 ring a bell? A certain blog post? *puts hands to face like a photo frame* It's me!! Club unicorn!

Barista: ….

Me: Josh Weed? The gay man who's married to a woman? Three kids?

Barista: *dubious stare*

Me: Come on! Vh1 in 2013? The episode came on about three times!! It was an episode of a show about weird marriages?

Barista: *shakes head*

Me: Ricki Lake before it was canceled the second time!? Nightline!!

Barista: *blank stare*

Me: I made a HUGE splash! I was on the local news! People couldn't stop talking about me for HOURS.

Barista: ….cool.

Me: Are you sure you don't remember me?

Barista: What was your name?

Me: Josh Weed.

Barista: *eyes light up* Oh, wait! I DO know you! I LOVED Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I had no idea you were gay!

Me: Oh. That wasn't me. That was Joss Whedon. Not Josh Weed.

Barista: Oh.

Me: I don't personally know Joss Whedon, but I do know my share of celebrities...

Barista: ….

Me: Ever heard the name Zina Petersen? Ring a bell much?

Barista: *shakes head*

Me: Oh, excuse me. Zina NIBLEY Petersen. Yeah. She's stayed in my house before.

Barista: *blank stare*

Me: Daughter of Hugh Nibley? Amazing scholar? Wrote tons of books and stuff? No? NOTHING?

Barista: ….

Me: Sally DeFord! I wrote a song with her! I visited her in Colorado!

Barista: Sir, I need to help the next customer.

Me: Wait, what about Seth Adam Smith! Famous blog pots about "Marriage isn't for me?" He and I talk on the phone all the time! He just published a book and I was thanked in paragraph seventeen of the acknowledgments. Here, let me show you, give me one second to get it out of my briefcase--don't mind the parentheses…

Barista: Sir, could you please move aside. I really need to help the next customer.

Me: Just… one…. second… almost…. have…

Barista: Fine. Josh Whedon. I remember you. You are famous and relevant. PLEASE MOVE.

Me: YES!! I knew it!! I knew you remembered me! WHEEEEEEE!!!!

*dances out of the shop forgetting his hot chocolate*

So, yeah. As you can see, it can get pretty difficult at times.

So, the next time you see me in the streets and I maybe look like I have a lot on my plate, just know: it's tough to be important. But like I tell myself in the mirror every day forty times whilst flexing, it's also important to be tough.


  1. I didn't have a Halloween costume until this moment. I am going to be josh weed who apparently doesn't care about squaring up fist bumps quite as much as me.

  2. Josh you're so great! And I'm sorry it takes the baristas so long to recognize you.

  3. I finally understand the "struggleisreal" hashtag.

    1. This is the best comment on the best blog post of this day. :D

  4. I loved you in Star Trek and most recently The Big Bang Theory!!

  5. Hahaha, this is hilarious. Write more often!

  6. Even if you're being silly, it's good to see your name cross my screen. Blessings ALL the time...

  7. Nice!!! Reading your blog always makes my day brighter. So I'd say you are very relevant. :)

  8. It's always a pleasure to hear from you. "The Weed" in my mailbox is instantly recognizable. If you showed up in my high school Spanish class I would wonder who the white guy was.

  9. Well, you may not be relevant at Starbucks, but you are still relevant to us. ;)

  10. Oh, thank you for this. This was a lovely laugh on a hard morning. You are a big deal to the smiling readers, sir.

  11. Josh you are the best! So glad to see a blog entry by you. We miss you and Lolly and the girls!

  12. *Insert clever and humorous comment from me here*.

    Mostly I'm just really excited that you posted again! Counting the days to the next quarter. :)

  13. Bahahaha!! I got so very excited when I saw that you had posted--and you didn't disappoint.

    Yes. Wearing a tux is always relevant. Don't believe anyone who tells you different. :)

  14. LOL, you are too funny.were do you come up with this stuff. Your great! Never change!

  15. Hey Mr., dropping MY name in a Starbucks will get you nowhere. Try See's candy ("Oh! You're the one with the personal line of credit?) or McDonald's ("**sigh** How many dipped cones would you like today?") or the BYU ticket office ("No, ma'am, we can't guarantee a win, even for you. Who did you say you were? Oh! The one who wrote a song with Josh Weed?") Really, there's a lot to be said for being irrelevant. :)

  16. Good stuff. :) Thanks for the laugh today!

  17. Like someone mentioned before, to us you still are a big deal. You have had a huge impact on my life. Beside the laughs, you taught me a whole deal about attraction in general and the really important things in a relationship. And also about compassion, love, spiritual experiences, etc etc. Even about good writing! Seriously so much! I am sad you don't post as much anymore. There is so much more wisdom you have that you should share with us. :)
    - greeting from a German Weeder :)

  18. This was fun. One night my new neighbor texted me about a blog she found and was completely sucked in. I just had to read it. It's called the weed. I laughed and texted her back he was in my old ward. She went nuts asking questions. She loves your story. Come talk to a barista here in utah. You won't be disappointed :)

  19. Fun post, Josh. And you are TOTALLY a big deal. Really. I mean it. Wouldn't Josh you :)

  20. Josh, if what devastated you in the summer of what I think it was, that concerns me greatly. I realize you will 'reveal it when you are ready. I am hoping it isn't what I think it is. Because that gives one person way too much power. No one has the power to derail your writing. And if you are writing a memoir about being a gay Mormon, you will need a thick skin. Again, I will wait and see. I am not trying to be cryptic.